Are you inflicted with the notorious German ailment of Kreislaufstörung? Find out the health obsessions of the Germans.
Virtually all Germans have health problems, and if they don’t, there must be something wrong with them. Most of what ails them is stress related. No nation was ever more stressed (strapaziert), but this is understandable. After all, running Europe can take it out of you.
The Germans devote enormous resources to the treatment of an illness that doesn’t exist. In this case, it’s the notorious Kreislaufstörung, or disruption of the circulation. While the rest of us go to meet our maker when our circulation stops, the Germans routinely recover from it and go on to lead productive lives.
If Kreislaufstörung belongs in the imaginary realm, the real-life health worry for the Germans is their heart. For the generation who took part in the Fresswelle this was with very good reason. The veins and arteries of these lumbering, wobbling colossi choked and begged for mercy. However, for their jogging-suited, water-sipping successors, concern for the heart is less warranted and has taken on a hundred shades of metaphysical angst.
Pick me ups in Germany
Germans are passionately fond of every form of tonic and pep-me-up. They swallow every conceivable kind of plant extract and animal gland. They’ll never doubt the good it’s doing them, provided only that they paid enough for it and that it tastes vile. It’s all they ask.
German sick leave
In addition to six weeks of holidays, the Germans get six weeks of sick leave per year. If you can fool them into it, the medical insurance companies will stump up for a further 78 weeks over a 3-year period.
All of this costs a fortune, but everybody in the government knows that it is safer to steal a lioness’s cub than to come between a German and his medication.