Dating the Germans

A guide to dating the Germans

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Are you interested in a more personal cultural exchange? Here are some tips to help you find love in Germany and get into the German dating game.

Dating someone from a foreign country can be an exciting experience, but it's important to keep in mind that a relationship with a person from another culture can be complex. Different cultures around the world have a different appreciation of the qualities that make someone a desirable mate. What might be considered romantic, attractive or polite in one culture might not be well received in another. Learning a few German dating tips, however, can help you avoid making dating blunders.

Tips for socialising with Germans

Meeting people is easy. Younger people tend to meet at bars and clubs, while the older generation tend to move within their circles of friends. Surprisingly, Germans are flirtatious and more cheeky than they will admit. Eye contact is very important; you need to show that you are confident but not arrogant.

Dating German men

German men have a reputation for being insensitive, self-serving and cold. However, there are always exceptions to the rule. By contrast, some German men are surprisingly sensitive, almost to the point of being insecure and unsure of themselves. A man like this may even question a woman's motives if she approached him to chat.

There is a tendency among German men to date women who are much younger than they are. This more for the fun of dating and socialising rather for long-term or serious relationships. Usually German men do not plan to wed or have any sexual relations with these younger women. But you know what they say about good intentions and the road to hell.

It is common for Germans to marry in their 30s, after several years spent dating. It is important to note that many German men tend to live at their parents' home rather than move out at the first opportunity. So do not expect a German man to be a domestic wonder, nor be surprised when you come home to find him watching football with a beer. If you do everything for him, he will not try to stop you. This may surprise some women, but if you order him around, he may find you even more attractive.

Dating German women

Dating a German woman follows the standard rules for dating women; you either impress her, or you do not. Most women will not get offended if you pay the bill, though they do not expect you to do so. If they want to split the bill, they will just tell you.

Born and raised in a country where both genders are equal, German women are dominant in most facets of life. They like to laugh, know how to have a good time, and will probably drink you under the table. They are not used to being propositioned in the streets and most German ladies hate machismo. The fairer German sex are not used to compliments on their appearance, because German men are simply not good at this. If you compliment them, they will probably not believe you. Yet, they are flattered by attention and romance.

Don't forget, punctuality is vital. Germans do not understand the concept of a 10-minute grace period. You must be on time. Fashionably late is just late to them and not excusable.

Note: Please take this article with at pinch of salt. These tips are only general cultural guidlines for aliens who have just landed and observations and individuals vary widely.

 

Petya Vetseva / Expatica

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Updated 2013, 2014, 2015.

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3 Comments To This Article

  • Rosalina posted:

    on 24th September 2013, 06:19:11 - Reply

    My boyfirend is 7/8 German and 1/8 Norwegian he started going to my school as a junior and I was a freshman. He is very tall 6'3 and also very shy and tends to be rather quiet- my friends met him and set is up because I was tall and quiet as well go figure. But wow, I never had a more difficult time trying to speak to someone before in my life he is extremely handsome and has beautiful smile but will not talk to people unless he really wants to. I've been dating him for 4years and I know how is with people including myself in the beginning when he didn't know me. It's funny meeting other German men because it seems they all are so similar, tall, handsome, muscular, and quiet. I have learned to carry on conversations effortlessly because his shyness defiantly dominates mine. It kind of makes me feel special that when he rarely will talk to anyone if we are talking about something that interests him we can talk for hours about that and then anything, I suppose in my case opposites do not attract:)
  • Megs posted:

    on 8th September 2013, 21:45:45 - Reply

    I find German men interesting, I used to be bias but now I've grown I've learned to look deeper. Living in London, you get to meet all cultures but I can't seem to find the German crowd! Lol where are you all hiding?
  • Joe posted:

    on 7th September 2013, 00:33:33 - Reply

    I'am sorry, but most of what is being told here is not true. I'am german, i won't only speak just about myself, but also about all the guys i grew up with or the ones i knew. German guys tend to be scarely shy. They are selfconfident abiout theirselves in one way but many get nervous and feel uncomfortable when a girl approaches them. Feeling uncomfortable even is rising, when she is real pretty. It is soemthing they are not used to. It will be for 99% the first time that this happends to them. It is about us to go after them, Funny and sad, but true. I guess one reason for this is the general attitude of german women, who tend to be very calm, and often feel just disturbed if being talked to then feeling great about the attention. So i'd say one reason why german guys are shy is the way german womens general behavior. I do not want to judge about that. It is just something i recognized. I can really just say how it is, but i won't rate it. I have seen so many really nice well built guys, that approached a girl in a charming way and were dismissed in a very rude way. There is nothing worng with showing no interest, it is about the way how you say it, you know. A result seems to be over generations that this made german men very hard to the outside, they often seem shy and not being up for a flirt, while they are very senistive inside. Flirting in germany seems to be very different to many other countries. It is not as easy. Having a date already means something. I lived a while in the US, i loved the way of casual dating there. It is fun and does not bring duties with it. German women however rate you on the first side if you fit being their lifetime partner. Do not dare to say something wrong haha. I guess this is one reason why i enjoy foreign women much more. I'am like most german men aiming for a relationship on par. That starts with learning eachother. A german man will start anything possible to impress a women and make her feel safe and comfortable. Most german women however won't give that back in return. Which means the good ones are hard to find and secure. In most cultures women that look like models are rare. This is not different in germany. What you can add about germany is that women that focus on a man and try hard for him are really even more hard to find. They are used to, that we are getting after them and don't just anything to impress you. I'am tall, i keep myself in shape and i had never issues learning someone. But before i arrived in the US i didn't even know there are women on this world who know how to flirt and make you feel comfortable. They way women tried to impress me was new and something i really liked. In any country you have different people for sure. Most german men however tend to be sensitive, hard to the outside, shy, sporty, caring, well travelled, loyal if the arrchieved some years of age and many are looking for serious relationships instead of hookups. I want finally to say that it is not my intension to leave some bad mouth on the german women. But being a german guy, one who others say from he is pretty and sporty, and since i learned about my experiences and those of my buddys i grew up with, it is the honest thing i can reflect. [Edited by moderator]