Conference: Men, not women, to blame for extended bachelorhood

Amsterdam – The conclusions of the Real Man Conference: Men, not women, are to blame that young adults remain bachelors against their will.

This was the message from most dating coaches at the Real Man Conference at a two-day international convention in Amsterdam on the art of seducing women.

The conference also delivered the following message: Women aren’t perfect but men have no idea how to treat women; and men are all too often rude and selfish — yet that only hides the fact that they are actually very insecure and have no idea what love and sex are really about.

Many of the 430 participants agreed with the coaches: Men have a problem and it’s time they improved themselves.

A substantial number of the participants had come from countries around Europe — Denmark, Germany and Norway — to improve their dating skills.

"We came with a group of 15 Danes from Copenhagen with a special bus," one of the participants told DPA. "The conference is fantastic. Most coaching sessions are very useful."

Minutes earlier, Australian dating coach Grant Wellington had explained to his audience that many men suffer from approach anxiety, the fear of what might happen if they start a conversation with a woman.

"The key solution is to transform the approach anxiety into approach energy," Wellington said.

The audience applauded loudly.

"I also suffer from approach anxiety," the young Dane said. "It happens a lot to me. But now I know that I should look at it from a different angle. The butterflies in my stomach are not a negative but a positive sign. It’s not anxiety — it’s energy."

The Danish group consisted of men in their early 20s — all of them fairly good looking.

"There is nothing wrong with us," his friend, also from Copenhagen, hastened to point out when asked why he came to this conference in Amsterdam. "We just want to improve our skills with the women."

Among men over age 35, many do confess that they have problems that are usually not confined to their love lives.

"My being here is the result of a long journey back to normalcy," said a Dutch man, aged 37. "My life was in ruins for years. I had problems at work, my relationship had failed, I had problems with my father, I had a drinking problem, and I smoked too much. I alienated myself from my family and friends. I became very lonely. I neglected myself."

"Last year, thanks to a friend, I was able to turn things around," he added. "He took me to a sports class twice per week, and one thing led to another. Step by step, my life changed. I gave up my bad habits, and now I am trying to regain control over my life."

"I came here to make sure I will not make the same mistakes with a woman I made once before," said another man. "I want a different life."

Many of the men in their 30s and 40s took the conference very seriously: They took notes, page after page, highlighting certain sentences with fluorescent yellow pens.

But not everyone is equally satisfied with the coaching classes.

"The coaches give a lot of philosophical talks but they do not provide enough concrete advice," 42-year-old Paul from Rotterdam said. "The only coaches who give some real tips are those who want to help people become womanizers who sleep in a different bed every night. I don’t want that. I just want to get a long-term relationship. I work long hours, I do not like bars and dancing, so I want to know where I can find that special person and how I would approach her. But that’s not something I learned here, so far."

However, most of the participants were very positive about the speakers.

After each lecture, the participants were asked to vote about the coach — did they like the performance, did the coach give good advice — and the results of the poll were displayed to the audience on a screen.

On Sunday, more than a third of the audience graded most successive speakers as "superb," with just a very small fraction being negative and the remainder being positive or neutral.

How will the participants implement the lessons they learned in daily life after this conference?

"You just need to start immediately when this conference finishes," says Peter, 33, of Amsterdam. "Just approach the first woman you fancy, and apply the lessons you learned."

Rachel Levy/DPA/Expatica