Dating in the Netherlands: finding love as an expat

Between the ultra-direct honesty, the laid-back pace, and their love of independence, dating in the Netherlands doesn’t always follow the script. But while the Dutch might not lay their hearts on the table right away, when they do, you’re in for the long haul.

So, how do you meet people and impress them on a first date? Should you expect grand romantic gestures or a pragmatic approach to relationships?

Let’s find out:

Is it easy to date in the Netherlands?

Almost 39.3% of Dutch adults live alone (Statistics Netherlands, 2024). Of course, it would be wrong to assume every one of those is also single (i.e., without a partner). Similarly, single people living with flatmates are also not accounted for.

But with those statistics being the only ones available, it’s hard to say whether it’s easy to date in the Netherlands or not.

It is true, though, that there are more singles than ever in the Netherlands.

According to one study, this is partly a result of the modern culture shift. Since the 1960s, society has become more individualistic, and people prefer to secure their future first. Before starting a family, Dutch singles focus on personal development and self-growth.

More often than not, people – and especially women – are financially independent and can afford to remain single. Because of this, singles can also afford to raise their standards when it comes to love. Indeed, women in particular find that they don’t need someone to complete them and reckon it’s better to stay alone than to be unhappy together.

But at the same time, it can also be difficult to find someone who ticks the right boxes. While some singles face a gender imbalance in their area (e.g., Amsterdam and Utrecht), others struggle with too much choice, resulting in a fear of commitment.

Meanwhile, expats looking for less conventional relationships may be in luck. Although the end goal for most singles is a traditional relationship, many Dutch are open to alternative arrangements. Nowadays, it’s quite common to have casual “situationships” (scharrel), exclusive non-relationships (prela), open relationships, and LAT relationships (Living-Apart-Together).

How to meet single people online in the Netherlands

The best dating websites in the Netherlands

Unsurprisingly, in the modern era, one of the easiest ways to enter the Dutch dating scene is by going online.

To meet other single, like-minded internationals, try our own online dating service: Expatica Dating Netherlands. Popular with both men and women, it helps to connect people who share similar interests and passions and ultimately find love in the country below sea level.

Other popular dating sites in the Netherlands are Badoo, Lexa, and Parship. These are mostly free but may require payment in order to access special features.

The best dating apps in the Netherlands

International dating apps such as Bumble, Tinder, and Happn are commonly used in the Netherlands. Breeze is also popular – this paid app doesn’t have a chat function; instead, a match leads to an instant date.

If you don’t mind the swipe-right apps, Hinge is free and offers some great potential. Meanwhile, Fruitz is an app that has assigned fruit to relationship goals (e.g., a watermelon stands for friends with benefits, whereas the cherry means you’re looking for “the one”). And if you’re looking for something more spicy, you can check out Feeld. This dating app doesn’t allow kink-shaming (unless you’re into that kind of thing).

Singles looking for same-sex relationships will want to check out dating apps like Disco, Newe, Taimi, and Zoe.

As might be expected, users of dating apps tend to stumble upon the same issues in the Netherlands as they would in other countries. For example, the apps are primarily focused on hooking up and are based on making rapid decisions. So, if you are looking for a genuine connection, you may be better off signing up for a website or meeting someone in person.

How do you meet Dutch singles in person?

If online dating is not for you, then in-person meetups can be a good alternative. You can start by going to social events organized by Meetup groups. There are numerous events throughout the Netherlands that allow you to meet like-minded people in a fun and safe way. Even if you don’t find the love of your life, you might make some new friends.

Another great way to meet potential partners is by joining a local club or sports team. From art classes to pool (snooker) teams, these offer a great way for you to meet new people and bond over shared passions and interests.

Meeting through friends

Of course, you can also reach out to your social and professional network to find a date. If you have friends or close work colleagues you trust, see if they know of any suitable singles they could set you up with. Otherwise, keep an eye out for social gatherings and do some searching yourself.

If you’re feeling confident, the Netherlands has plenty of opportunities to acquaint yourself with strangers, for example, at bars, nightclubs, or at a local event or festival. Some people also meet their partners on vacation or at the camping you just have to be a little outgoing.

While this method requires more effort, it can be rewarding to find attractive singles without the worry that their online personality might not match their real-life one.

Local speed dating events

Another interesting way of meeting potential dating partners in the Netherlands is through speed dating events. This is where singles meet at a venue and are matched for a series of quick-fire conversations with others to see if compatibility or a spark exists.

You can find events near you on websites such as About Love, which advertises events in Amsterdam, Groningen, Nijmegen, Rotterdam, and Utrecht. Social networking sites like Facebook and Reddit may also have details of upcoming mixers or speed-dating events.

What is the dating etiquette in the Netherlands?

Generally speaking, the Dutch are easy-going but can be a bit cautious. It may take a while for them to open up and let you in. Because of this, you might need to put in a lot more time and effort than you’re used to; in the Netherlands, the long game is actually… long.

Dutch people are also known to like their comfort zone, which means they are less likely to be available for last-minute plans or spontaneous dates. But, if you’re up for the challenge, here are some of the more common dating scenarios you can expect in the Netherlands.

A typical dating scenario

First dates usually involve going for drinks or a coffee at a bar or café. Some people may also invite their date for a borrel (drinks) with friends to get to know them in a more casual setting. As time goes on, activities will likely center around your shared hobbies and interests (e.g., attending a comedy show, visiting a museum, or going to a festival).

Dates are typically laid-back with lots of teasing and joking (i.e., gezellig). Of course, Dutch singles can be more direct than in other countries. They are renowned for being straightforward and straight-talking (to the point of unintended rudeness) and value honesty above all else. They’d rather have you disagree with them than that you lie about your opinions.

First dates aren’t usually very touchy-feely. Other than the customary greeting (three kisses on the cheeks), physical contact is kept to a minimum.

Despite this, PDA (public displays of affection) is perfectly normal in the Netherlands, though within limits. No one will bat an eyelash if couples hold hands, kiss, or cuddle in public. However, anything more intense and overtly passionate will draw disapproving looks and maybe even a “Nou nou.“

Dating behavior in the Netherlands

Although Dutch culture and social norms are distinct in many ways, first-date etiquette is fairly typical. People are generally easy-going and relaxed, meaning that the dating atmosphere is usually casual and fun.

This laid-back attitude does not extend to punctuality. Being on time is a point of pride in the country, so you’ll want to be a few to 10 minutes early. The Dutch consider it very disrespectful to keep people waiting, and being late is a giant turn-off.

The dress code is smart casual, something that is comfortable yet stylish. Dutch people appreciate natural beauty and prefer that you let your charm (and wit) do the talking. As such, you may want to take it down a notch if you’re used to getting glammed up for a date.

Of course, this is not to say that you shouldn’t make an effort. While torn jeans and sneakers won’t provoke any comments, it does send a sign that your date isn’t worth dressing up for. But don’t show up in a suit and tie either, just pick out something nice. Make sure your wardrobe matches the date as well; if you wear high heels for an afternoon stroll, your date will get annoyed (and you’ll literally never hear the end of it).

In terms of conversation, Dutch people prefer deep, purposeful discussions over pointless small talk. Taboo topics include money and politics (e.g., immigration, the war in the Middle East, and Zwarte Piet). Intolerance and bragging won’t go down too well either, and you’ll not likely get a second date.

You probably get asked personal questions or to give your opinions on tricky subject matters. While expats may consider this rude or slightly invasive, the Dutch see little to no offense in this. They just want to get to know you, that’s all.

Gender roles in the Netherlands

The Netherlands is very progressive when it comes to gender roles. Men and women are considered equal, and either gender can ask the other out. It’s also not offensive to split the bill; in fact, it’s assumed you’ll both pay 50/50. That said, both partners contribute equally to the relationship. So, when you pay for the first date, your date usually pays for the second.

Likewise, chivalry is appreciated but not expected. Women like it when their dates hold open doors or help them with their coats, but they don’t mind doing it themselves either. On the other hand, too grand romantic gestures (e.g., bringing flowers to a first date) are a faux pas. Dutch people are generally pragmatic, and it will backfire on you tremendously.

What are Dutch relationships like?

Dating in the Netherlands tends to be low-key. The Dutch prefer to build up a friendship and keep things casual rather than diving headfirst into a relationship. It can take several months before two people officially call themselves a couple. However, that is not to say that they play hard-to-get or play games; people will typically let you know if they’re interested or not.

Once you gain their trust (and a clear agreement on your relationship status), the Dutch are very sweet and loyal. And despite their hyper-independent nature, it’s not uncommon for couples to become just a teensy bit (a lot) codependent.

Couples usually move in together after one to three years of dating, sometimes longer. Living together is typically a sign that you both see a long-term future together.

When do you meet your partner’s family?

Another tell-tale clue that your relationship has become serious is when your partner wants to introduce you to their family. The Dutch are relatively private and value their personal space, so they won’t rush any family introductions.

In the early stages of dating, it’s common to keep things separate. Once a relationship becomes more established – typically when there’s a sense of long-term potential – it’s more likely you’ll meet your future in-laws. This could happen at random, but only when both partners feel comfortable with it.

After that, family visits or trips out can happen more frequently, depending on how close everyone lives to each other.

Getting married in the Netherlands

The role of the family in weddings

In the Netherlands, wedding proposals are a private affair. It’s not standard for the groom-to-be to ask the woman’s parents for her hand first. In fact, depending on the family, it may even be considered sexist and a genuine offense.

It’s way more common for couples to get engaged and announce it to their friends and family afterward. It’s also customary for the future bride to receive an engagement ring from her soon-to-be spouse.

And, of course, because the Netherlands is so progressive, it’s also entirely possible that the gender roles are reversed. Women propose to men as well; in which case, the future groom receives an engagement ring from his soon-to-be bride.

The challenges facing unmarried couples

The Netherlands doesn’t see marriage as an absolute necessity for committed relationships. Many couples live together for years without feeling pressured to ‘make things official.’

That said, the older generation still sees marriage as the ‘proper thing’ to do. Some relatives may ask couples when they’re getting married, especially if they’ve been together long. This shouldn’t be taken as family pressure, more as people being nosy. The Dutch people respect personal choices, also when it comes to marriage.

Unlike in some other countries, unmarried partners in the Netherlands don’t automatically get the same legal rights as married ones, regardless of how long they’ve lived together. There’s no such thing as common-law marriage, and without formal arrangements, life partners have no claim to each other’s property, inheritance, pensions, or even decision-making in medical emergencies.

Couples who choose not to marry could opt for a cohabitation contract (samenlevingscontract). This provides some legal rights and safeguards, such as joint taxation and inheritance rights.

Things to keep in mind when dating in the Netherlands

Is the Netherlands LGBTQ+ friendly?

The Netherlands has a long history of advocating for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer people (LGBTQ+) rights. The first Dutch gay pride was held in 1977, and the country was the first in the world to legalize same-sex marriage in 2001.

The Netherlands ranks 10^th out of 197 in the world on the 2025 LGBT Equality Index. IGLA Europe rates the country a bit more harshly, ranking it 13^th out of 49 with a score of 58.95%.

Most large cities have an open and visible LGBTQ+ scene. For example, Amsterdam is known as one of the world’s most gay-friendly cities, home to many vibrant bars, cafes, clubs, and saunas. As the center of the Dutch LGBTQ+ community, the capital city also hosts numerous events throughout the year, including the Milkshake festival and (of course) Amsterdam Pride.

Other popular LGBTQ+ destinations include cities like Arnhem, Eindhoven, Rotterdam, The Hague, Tilburg, and Utrecht. And, if you’re looking for a complete gay-tinerary, you’ll want to check out GeenFlikkerTeDoen.

While the Netherlands is generally a LGBTQ+ friendly country, it’s worth noting that hate crimes are on the rise. In 2023, the country saw 529 reports of discrimination compared to 353 in 2022. According to Statistics Netherlands, one in 10 LGBTQ+ people is a victim of violence.

What are the views on mixed dating?

Thanks to its history of trade and exploration (i.e., colonialism), the Netherlands is pretty familiar with mixed relationships. Mixed couples are especially common in cities like Amsterdam and Rotterdam, where diversity is a common part of daily life. Because tolerance is ingrained in Dutch culture, most people are unfazed by relationships that cross cultural, racial, or religious boundaries.

That said, the country isn’t immune to racism or prejudice. While blatant hostility is rare, subtle (and not so subtle) forms of discrimination and stereotyping can still occur, even in the big cities. Interfaith or intercultural couples may also face extra challenges when it comes to things like marriage traditions, parenting, or family expectations.

So, while mixed relationships are considered normal, full acceptance isn’t always guaranteed. Much depends on your location, your social circle, and how much your relationship challenges the social norm.

What challenges come with online dating?

Like elsewhere, online dating in the Netherlands comes with its risks. People might not always be who or what they say they are on their profile or during initial chats. Indeed, the country has had its fair share of romance scams (datingfraude), where criminals pretend to be in love in order to steal money from their victims.

Never agree to send money to someone you haven’t met in person, do arrange your first date in a public place, and be sure to tell a friend or family member where you’ll be.

Useful resources

• Centre for Crime Prevention and Safety (CCV) – government website with information on romance scams, including prevention tips
• Culture Trip – article on dating in Amsterdam