In place of insulting someone’s mother, instead get grandma involved when getting mad in French. Tell them how you really feel in French!
1. Go and cook yourself an egg: Va te faire cuire un œuf
We’d like you to get lost – but we don’t want you to starve.
2. Do I ask you if your grandma bikes? Est-ce que je te demande si ta grand-mère fait du vélo?
Mind your own damn business.
3. It makes my leg look so pretty: Ça me fait une belle jambe
If your words had the power to get rid of my cellulite, I’d care what you’re talking about.
4. I care about it like I care about my very first shirt: Je m’en fous comme de ma première chemise
That’s what you dare not say when your in-laws ask if you would like to see our holiday slides?
5. I’m getting swollen by this: Ça me gonfle
Half way into the slide show.
6. Is my ass made of chicken? Et mon cul, c’est du poulet?
Do not answer this question. Bow your head in forgiveness for the lies you’ve been telling or run very fast.
7. I’m going to ring their bells: Je vais lui sonner les cloches
You’ll be yelled at so hard that all you’ll hear is a heavy ringing in your ears.
8. Don’t push grandma in stinging nettle: Faut pas pousser mémé dans les orties
You’re going way too far.
9. We did not look after the pigs together: On a pas gardé les cochons ensemble
So don’t take any liberties with me, will ya?
10. It’s hanging at the tip of your nose: Ça te pend au bout du nez
You’re about to get slapped.
11. Mustard is coming up my nose! La moutarde me monte au nez
When someone is upset or losing their temper, imagine their face is gradually turning red as ‘mustard gets up their nose’.