We review 'expat expert' Robin Pascoe's latest book, which takes a thought-provoking, honest and humorous look at the challenges of parenting abroad.

Unfortunately, in our terrorized world, horrific news stories, AIDS, SARS, crashes, natural disasters, and kidnappings, are not the stuff of which bedtime stories are made.

And Author Robin Pascoe is certainly no stranger to the subject of raising global nomads. In this, her fifth book for expatriate families, the renowned 'expat expert' takes a thought provoking, honest and humorous look at the challenges of parenting abroad.

Global nomads need limits and structure, to encourage stability. Pascoe's advice: "The largest lesson for children to learn is that survival in another culture often depends on a person's ability to bend a little and to cultivate understanding, patience and tolerance".

When to let go

Some parents in their newfound roles as socialites abroad juggling a whirlwind calendar, delegate the task of parenting to the help. Conversely, 'helicopter parents' hover over their children, over managing, over scheduling and over protecting them from developing a life of their own.

Quoting Dr Mel Levine, author of 'Ready or Not Here life Comes': "Parents who seem obsessed with delivering non-stop happiness for their kids may end up with children who, thanks to over indulgence, feel limitlessly entitled. Their feelings ultimately lead to a sense of invulnerability, a belief that they will always get whatever without any effort or self sacrifice".

This can threaten their ability to form healthy relationships and gain proper job skills. Balanced, proactive parenting is needed.

The very nature of expatriate life (sometimes termed the country club life) has always been one of affluence and privilege. Nowadays there is so much more to buy, more ways to show off your wealth, and easy delivery. Behaviour has definitely changed with technology.

However, it is worth mentioning that many expats (and their children) are still working for charities and making contributions in the countries where they are posted.

Lost souls

Expat expert Robin Pascoe

Children brought up on instant messaging and cell phones will find a phone-friend is not a friend in the here and now.

Technology — which Pascoe terms 'digital umbilical cords' — is keeping children linked to virtual friends in former postings or at home. This impedes their development in integrating real-time into daily life and relationships in the new location.

Pascoe suggests children locate the uprooted neophyte expat — looking dazed and confused — and extend a helping hand. Commiserating with other lost souls in the new school situation gives kids an opportunity to work through transition grief.

Reflecting on privilege

Pascoe encourages parents to introduce the terms 'global nomad' and 'third culture kid' at a young age so that children will come to understand and appreciate that theirs is a life of extreme privilege.

According to Dr. Barbara F.Schaetti, who contributed to the book: "Identity development is the search for congruence in our sense of who we are ... It has the potential to teach us self-reflection and to strengthen our capacity to creatively engage with complexity. It expands our capacity to be successful in a multifaceted and constantly changing world".

Waxing lyrical about a 'home country' that children may only know from airports and holiday visits fosters 'picture postcard idealism'. It is not home with a history if a child has never lived there.

Definitions of one's own cultural identity are questioned. Global nomads become 'hidden immigrants' at home; they may look like the population but lack the social cues and frame of reference, those hidden signals inherent in a culture which you know inside out.

The guilt trip

Guilt and pressure drive many expats to believe they are indispensable. Pascoe contends: "You can leave the office, be there for your family, and not ruin your career".

One ludicrous, yet telling description is of a vacationing father carefully wrapping up his laptop, blackberry and cell-phone in his beach towel much to the disappointment of the family looking to spend some quality time with the guy who lives between airports.

According to researchers from Georgetown University in Washington DC: "Work-life is not just about finding 'physical time.' It's about the 'cognitive space' necessary to process, organize and respond to the thinking demands of life within a complex society".

What used to be down time, the long flight home, is now interrupted by in flight internet access with corporate road warriors linked to their laptops. And cell phones ...

It isn't just about the free time, but in how families spend it — consistent with their values and interests. Many global nomads rarely see their fathers, an absence that can be a top stressor.

Suggestions include dinner at home when Dad is in town, involvement in schools, networking with other parents and creating an extended family within the expat community for celebrations and support.

Parental responsibilities

Whether it's about work-life balance or raising your kids, the outcome is personal and you can't pin the blame on someone else. Teaching values, compassion, and integrity comes from the home.

It's time parents started doing more of that since traditional outlets such as the church are not utilised as much by many parents.

Although parenting styles have changed, there are three key points. One: Your children are watching, two: nobody is perfect, and three: your children's upbringing will be very different from your own. The big investment needs to be in developing relationships with your children.

According to Pascoe, "Children growing up overseas with such opportunities as cross-cultural enrichment, travel, etc. have a chance, if raised with empathy, tolerance, and cross cultural understanding in mind, to be our future global citizens at a time we desperately need a generation with those skills. This subject is more urgent than ever given the state of the world. TCKs/Global Nomads do possess more empathy because they hold a world view. It's up to the parents to encourage this selflessness by making sure they are not selfish".

Given the sheer amount of relevant information available to global families, Pascoe adroitly manages to follow on seamlessly commentary to her other books, which are all worthwhile reads for the expatriate community. 

'A Moveable Marriage on mobile relationships', 'Homeward Bound on Repatriation', and both 'Culture Shock - A Parents Guide' and 'Culture Shock - A Wife's Guide', provide in-depth handling of the topics mentioned.

Global Nomads will trigger parents into thinking about their own behaviours and hopefully encourage them with helping their children to understand who they are. It will also help them acknowledge that the privilege of growing up abroad carries responsibilities, not just to themselves, but to the world.

September 2006

For more information on 'Raising global nomads - Parenting in an on-demand world' by Robin Pascoe, with contributions from Barbara F. Schaetti, PhD and Lois J. Bushong, MS, LMFT (ISBN 0-9686760-3-0, Expatriate press), visit www.expatexpert.com

Connie Moser, an American journalist, writes about expatriate family issues and cultural life in the Netherlands for a variety of international publications.