A Dutch friend hazarded that the polder model, where everyone gets a say in everything that is decided, is the grand facilitating scheme for moaners.

Defined by Wikipedia as the Dutch version of consensus policy in economics, which is also used to describe similar cases of consensus decision-making, the polder model seems to be making a comeback. The new coalition government is applying it, along with solidarity and social inclusion, as they continue to hammer out compromises behind closed doors under the slogan of 'Working together, living together'.

If we can describe the Dutch moan as pointing out the drawbacks or weak points of something, in order to arrive at the best possible state of affairs for all concerned, then surely expats living in Holland will also develop this skill as they integrate into Dutch society?

The expat moan

Which brings me to the expat moan – or shall we call it 'foreigner feedback'.

I've noticed that the biggest critics of the 'expat moaners' are expats themselves, those who feel they have integrated fully into Holland and therefore no longer consider themselves to be an expat. 

Of course we aren't talking about the sort of person who moans about absolutely everything indiscriminately, which is wearying after a while. This type is likely to moan about the smallest thing in whichever country they live in.

No, I mean occasional moaners, those who moan about matters, most of which the Dutch would probably agree with.

Let me give you some examples of 'foreigner feedback' I've heard over the past two weeks:

Guarding space

English expat (lived in the Netherlands for 21 years): People pushing onto trains doesn’t cease to irritate with time. The younger generation is possibly worse. (Seasoned expats – especially British expats – seem to hold onto this moan after ‘total integration’.)

Turkish journalist (based in the Netherlands for 2 years):  The Dutch news focuses on 'samenleving' and 'integratie', which is incredibly dull after a while.

Australian student (just arrived – living temporarily in Emmeloord):  Train fares are expensive. For instance, travelling to Haarlem from Emmeloord costs approx EUR 30. In Australia the equivalent trip would be around EUR 10.

English expat (lived in Holland for 4 years): the Dutch are aggressive drivers compared to other Europeans. They don’t leave you much space on the roads and rarely miss an opportunity to move into any free space you create.

And just to prove that the Dutch moan about similar things: Author Raph Schouten in his new book Het is hier geweldig… (lit. Having a wonderful time…") discovered in the course of his research that the Dutch find their countrymen the most annoying drivers on the road while on holiday (followed by the French).

I spoke with several expats on their views on the expat moan and the consensus was: if you've only been in the country for a short time and don't know how things work you will moan as you adjust.

If you have been here for a long time, feel miserable, and still feel just as strongly about 'all' of the things you originally moaned about, you should think about leaving.

If you have lived in several countries before coming to the Netherlands you will never fully integrate in the same way as people who have only made one country move. Accept that.

If you are happy living in Holland and enjoy an occasional good moan, and view a bridge lifting in your path when you are in a hurry to get to your destination with detachment, feel good about it; you're integrating.

Natasha Gunn
Editor, Expatica Netherlands