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You are here: Home Life in Blogs & photos Top 10 tips for dating the Dutch (page 2)
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30/09/2013Top 10 tips for dating the Dutch

Top 10 tips for dating the Dutch You may have heard that Dutch women are the most beautiful in the world... or that Dutch men are boring. We look behind the rumours on dating the Dutch.

While many foreigners initially find the dating scene in the Netherlands daunting or inaccessible, understanding Dutch mentality can help reduce miscommunicating the ‘flirting' signals as practiced in the Netherlands.

Dating the Dutch: Expat dating in the Netherlands

Straight up and open

The Dutch are renowned for being straight-forward and to-the-point in conversation, with little social negativity attached to asking open questions or stating one's opinion. They tend to believe that it's better to be honest than mislead someone. To the untrained dater it may appear rude or direct, but it's a refreshing scene of playing with your cards on the table.

Body language

While the Dutch are not renowned for being touchy on a first date, direct eye contact is the norm. Intimidating or sexy? You decide. Friends also usually kiss both cheeks in greeting, and it's not uncommon to kiss when being introduced to someone through a friend.

Splitting the bill

Chivalry has dissipated into the form of fairness. It is not uncommon to split the bill on the first date - right down to the last cent's worth of what you ate. Some say unromantic, but Dutch relationships pride themselves on equality. Another option is for one person to pay for, say, drinks and the other for movie tickets.

Group mentality

It's unnerving approaching a group of men or women to strike up a conversation with someone you have your eye on - but such is the dating scene in the Netherlands. Foreigners sometimes feel isolated by the mass social gatherings, but unless you see another way in, you'll just have to brave it and charge - and accept the possible rejection, or possibly even a group first date.

Dating the Dutch: Expat dating in the Netherlands

Unattached

Some report the Dutch avoid making ‘real' contact with foreigners, making it difficult to get past the first dating hurdle and settling down. But it's not impossible - many foreigners report happy relationships (and marriages) with Dutch nationals.

Keeping it casual

The Dutch aren't known for dressing to the hilt. Part of this has to do with the prevalent bike culture - have you ever tried biking in high heels and a mini skirt... through the rain? The Dutch laid back attitude tends to extend to clothes (and makeup), so you may want to take it down a notch if you're used to getting very gussied up for a date. And don't take it personally if your date shows up in sneakers.

Don't trust the forums

While expat forums can provide some helpful advice, their dating threads are often the setting for uninhibited (and often unrepresentative) venting: "Dutch women here are rude, arrogant and unfriendly." "The only thing Dutch men have really taken to heart is 'going Dutch.'" Resist the temptation and look for more balanced advice elsewhere.

Be open to cultural differenceDating the Dutch: Expat dating in the Netherlands

Be aware of the importance of cultural differences. Misunderstanding can easily arise when dating someone new, especially if your different upbringing means that you often take very different things for granted. Try to be patient, relax and don't expect him/her to act exactly like the girls/guys back home. And on that note -

Learn more about the Dutch

Do you know the meaning of gezellig? And that within many Dutch men and women there is a battle between the inner tolerance and the inner Calvinist? Would you presume that ‘you little fart' is an insult? Learning the basics of Dutch culture can do wonders for your love life - and your Dutch life in general.

Every person is unique

Would you describe yourself as just another American/Australian/Belgian...? The same applies to the Dutch. The bottom line is - you are dating a person you like, not the country they are from. So keep an open mind and enjoy yourself. And as the Dutch would say: Succes.

 

Casey Marriot / Cormac Mac Ruairi / Expatica

Want to know more? Read Expatica's article on our 2012 survey on expat dating: Expat dating: Love in a cold – or warm – climate.

 

Find love abroad: Expat datingLooking for love? Interested in making new friends? Meet the most eligible inter­nationals in Netherlands at Expatica Date! (Registration free!)



Photo credit: Scinern (woman's eyes), Wickerfurniture (picnic date), stevendepolo (spotlight photo - winking woman).

 

 

 _____________________________________________________

i am not a tourist Expat Fair The "i am not a tourist" Expat Fair is an annual, one-day fair for internationals living in or moving to the Netherlands. Expatica's 2014 fair, held on 2 November, will have all the valuable resources from previous years, with extra attention given to lifestyle and community related resources. For more information, please check out the fair website.

Tickets are FREE when ordered online! This year, ordering your tickets online gives you a chance to win one of two Amsterdam Business School grants:

Order your FREE tickets for “i am not a tourist” 2014 here.
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4 reactions to this article

elvis posted: 2013-09-30 19:13:55

show me one dutch girl who does not smoke or does not drink or does not have pets?

Stephen Johnston posted: 2013-10-02 14:20:24

When I first started dating my wife, I was here on a vacation from Canada. We went back to her apartment, and she lit a bunch of candles. I thought she was being romantic.

She wasn't...she was was being 'gezellig'.

I complemented her, and she promptly called me a 'slimeball', which insteas of having the North American meaning of 'dirtbag' basically means anybody who complements anybody else.

The Dutch don't takecomplements very easily.

Nevermind. All these misadventures led to a happy marriage!

Of course, everybody came to the wedding in jeans...lol

carrico posted: 2013-10-02 15:57:31

Oh, Elvis, stop beating yourself up. I agree to a certain extent. For example, I once saw this gorgeous, fair-haired lass, who pedaled, in high heels, her fiets up to a coffee shop for, I guess, a quick one. I was drinkin' Heineken across the street. Also, I was old enough to be her father. One can dream, though.

kasper posted: 2013-10-27 14:46:58

Just two notes:
1. in contrast as said in the text, it is only common in Belgium to give kisses when meeting someone for the first time. In the Netherlands, it is usual to give a hand when meeting someone, even when introduced to that person by a friend. When you get to know someone you (might) give them three kisses on the cheeks.
2. Dutch people don't give or take compliments very easy. However, that doesn't mean they don't like to get one. Just keep it casual and not too many.

4 reactions to this article

elvis posted: 2013-09-30 19:13:55

show me one dutch girl who does not smoke or does not drink or does not have pets?

Stephen Johnston posted: 2013-10-02 14:20:24

When I first started dating my wife, I was here on a vacation from Canada. We went back to her apartment, and she lit a bunch of candles. I thought she was being romantic.

She wasn't...she was was being 'gezellig'.

I complemented her, and she promptly called me a 'slimeball', which insteas of having the North American meaning of 'dirtbag' basically means anybody who complements anybody else.

The Dutch don't takecomplements very easily.

Nevermind. All these misadventures led to a happy marriage!

Of course, everybody came to the wedding in jeans...lol

carrico posted: 2013-10-02 15:57:31

Oh, Elvis, stop beating yourself up. I agree to a certain extent. For example, I once saw this gorgeous, fair-haired lass, who pedaled, in high heels, her fiets up to a coffee shop for, I guess, a quick one. I was drinkin' Heineken across the street. Also, I was old enough to be her father. One can dream, though.

kasper posted: 2013-10-27 14:46:58

Just two notes:
1. in contrast as said in the text, it is only common in Belgium to give kisses when meeting someone for the first time. In the Netherlands, it is usual to give a hand when meeting someone, even when introduced to that person by a friend. When you get to know someone you (might) give them three kisses on the cheeks.
2. Dutch people don't give or take compliments very easy. However, that doesn't mean they don't like to get one. Just keep it casual and not too many.

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