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Pages of posts in Expatica's discussion forums brand Dutch women as rude and aloof. It would seem they wouldn't even nudge a foreign Casanova with a barge poll.
The problem with Dutch women…
Dutch lassies are described as big bummed, hard-nosed, masculine, looks- and money-orientated specimens. They go out in mass and avoid one-on-one dates like the plague.
Some would-be lovers bitterly lament:
"If she's Dutch you don't stand a chance unless you look like a model — a good looking Dutch girl will not go out with anybody who she considers below her looks-wise," says one correspondent.
"…Dutch women here are rude, arrogant and unfriendly. They do not wish to communicate with people outside their own circle of friends. They have this idea that they are among 'the most beautiful women upon earth," according to another.
The problems don't end even when you manage to break down their initial barriers. "It isn't uncommon for a Dutch woman in a night-club to let things get really hot before mentioning casually that she has a steady boyfriend," according to a guy 'who's been there'.
On the other hand, forget to make a big fuss about their birthday and you've dug your own grave. "Dutch women tend to be obsessive about remembering birthdays," a happily married Englishman noted ruefully.
They are always right about every subject and, unusually for the Netherlands, discussion is not an option. "We were planning to have a civil wedding and I was waiting for the right moment to tell my very Catholic mother. Instead, my partner announced to my parents that the ceremony would be performed by a Sufi master. There was a real cold war for a while but we ended up getting married in church and my partner wrote the ceremony herself," says an Irish expat.
But what about the men?
Dutch men seem more prepared to date foreigners, so they must be a good match for expats, right?
Not necessarily so, say about 50-percent of the ladies who spoke to Expatica. Dutch men tend to be boring, unimaginative and have an aversion to making 'real' contact.
The only thing they have really taken to heart is 'going Dutch', warns a New Zealander. So ladies, when he asks you out to dinner, don't forget your wallet. And don't expect him to hold doors open for you either.
If that is not enough, there is a post on the Expatica site about the guy who asked his dating partner for her friend's number. Another one tells how a guy who "forgot" about his significant other when she went on holiday to the UK. He was too busy painting the house.
Expat dating can’t be all bad, could it?
However, not all expats accept this rather unflattering view of their trysts with the Dutch. The women at least are, according to numerous well-placed sources, great lovers and kind souls to boot.
Are we too sensitive? "You have to bear in mind that there are cultural differences and misunderstanding can easily arise when dating someone new. You have to have a relaxed attitude and don't expect her to act exactly like the girls back home," says an American philosopher.
But wait a minute. If the problem comes down to a culture clash, our Expatica 'brothers and sisters' in France, Germany and Belgium must be suffering horribly too.
Wrong again, it would seem. The relationship sections of their discussion forums are largely silent about any problems with the local talent. In fact, the amount of posting looks quite meagre compared to the Dutch site.
The Belgium expats, for instance, know exactly what they want and they don't beat about the bush. They want 'boudoir advice', the low-down on having affairs in the office, and they are keen to research whether bald men are better lovers.
Our colleagues in France must be too busy sampling the local lingua Franca as they have only added two threads to the relationship section. One on 'French men' (you've got to try them out for yourself apparently) and the other on long distance relationships.
And male expats in Germany are still searching for the perfect chat up line so there is no great problems with the locals to report yet. Their time will come.
Perhaps it won't be so bad. Many interviewees did admit to marrying their Dutch partner and living happily ever after.
From comments taken from the Expatica forums in July 2002. But has it changed much ? Read the latest reactions to this article.
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Just exchange "Sweden" and "Swedish" for "The Netherlands" and the "Dutch", and it applies here as well.
Something is wrong in the cold North!
I've been here for a year now. Broke up with my ex (non Dutch) several months ago. Talked to probably hundreds of Dutch women in bars, cafes, etc. I can tell you that I'm actually considering leaving the country because I find the women so stand-offish. They flirt for hours with you and then say "I Have a boyfriend", just to get an ego boost. You date them and they always need to check the "agenda" because they're life is so busy. They're always worried if they look "easy". [Edited by moderator] They have little sense of politeness of subtility. I've had one girl badmouthing my home country on the first date. I've had other come home with me and then run away. Yes, I've seen this sort of attitude before, up in Scandinavia. Of course this is a generalization, I've met some really nice Dutch women, [edited]
I strongly disagree, I\\\'m from central america, and it only started with my aunt marrying a dutch man, 10 years ago, after that. its called the \\\"curse\\\" all 4 of her sisters are happily married to dutch men, and I , who thought Id never date a european, have never been happier. and all the dutch men I know open doors, pays for drinks when we go out and are very intelectual, very funny, they are constantly joking and teasing, I find them very interesting indeed.
I must say, my Portuguese heart has been stolen by a Dutch man. I have been with him for more then 4 years. I could not be more happier. I’ve dated men from different countries from north to south EU. Of course you can’t always compare the cultural background and it’s clashes. But in general Dutch men on their 30ies are truly cordial, loyal, flirty and funny. It seams that they are in fact open for foreign women, I guess curiosity for something unusual. Youngsters and students no way completely opposite!! Probably generation gap [edited by moderator]
I had similar problems with my Dutch boyfriend for the first few months of our relationship. However, after a year he has changed completely! He offers to pay for meals, holds the door open, and actually makes an effort to dress smartly. He has realised that in London, where I am from. Standards are much higher in dating etiquette. I still can't stand his female friends though. They lead guys on, and then drop them very qiuckly.
Why should men pay for meals and other stuff? I swear I really don't understand that concept. I'm an independent woman and as such I can pay for my own things.
I'm not from the Netherlands (I'm Portuguese) but I definitely understand why Dutch men behave the way they do, it's a matter of equality. If men and women are equal why should men have to keep the doors open for them? Why should they have to pay for dinners? Why can't women do that? Why can't they at least share the expense?
Women from other countries might dislike Dutch men because of that, but the truth is there's plenty of men in the world who complain (and with good reason) about having to pay for everything when they're in a relationship with a woman.
wow some of you people are actually very good at generalization.. how smart is that to generalize al dutch. people that are wining about the dutch girls maybe just say the wrong things, and act on the wrong way [edited]. its pretty easy to wine about it on the internet i see.. maybe its a good idea to [edited by moderator] improve your attitude and strategy towards woman. also how people can talk about dutch guy's.. haha i dont think there are any real dutch people in holland anymore, we mixed up with every single race you can think off.. thats how everyone can act differently and like different things. maybe thats is the hardest thing about holland.
I am sorry to say, But i think it is not really realistic to say that dutch women are rude, and that they know that they are beautifull and so on.
in every country you have good women and bad. Better first think before talk.
Not all the dutch women are like this but there are enough who act and speak as they are the centre of the univers. Those persons don't have the notion of "friend", they are only using you as much as they need. But ths kind of persons are everywhere.
I have few friends. You can count them with the fingers of one hand.
Regarding the payment in restaurants I think that it's good to share it, unless you are inviting and you have to pay. This is what I learnt from some other countries. When I'm inviting someone I'm paying. :-)
wow, these comments are really not very useful. clearly, MANY people have experienced difficulties dating dutch people, more so than dating other nationalities; the article explicitly highlights this point. the phenomenon is real. generalizations (e.g. "there are ___ kind of people everywhere") and defensiveness on the part of dutch people are just avoiding discussing the real issue: WHAT is it about dutch culture that makes it difficult for people from other countries to understand them with respect to dating? does no one have anything insightful to say? who gives a **** about splitting checks? that is just the most trivial reason to have a problem with them. and also, my experience with dozens of dutch male friends and lovers doesn't support that stereotype AT ALL. i have dated several dutch people during the two years i have spent here. perhaps it is useful to know that i look rather dutch and have no problems getting attention from men here, so my being physically undesirable is not the cause of my dutch dating frustrations. one observation i can share is that because dutch people are generally quite pragmatic, and also tend to get married / permanently attached much later in life than in many cultures, they tend not to invest themselves in a relationship unless they feel very certain it is "worth it." as an american, i've struggled with this dating philosophy, because in the US casual dating, and getting to know someone gradually is the norm. dutch guys, in my experience, tend to be 100% in, ready to commit early on, ONLY IF they think you are too good for them. if the two of you are more on the same level, then more strategezing is apparently necessary, though i personally haven't figured it out yet. if anyone has any tips on how to hook a dutch man, i'm all ears, haha. i think also that if they prefer foreign women, they prefer those who are dramatically different from dutch women (i.e. exotic), so i'm not surprised to hear positive experiences from latin women, for example.
So not all women you chat up want to go out/go home with you? Must mean they all ego boosting players, obviously! As a female, might I offer a little insight on this. This is what happens when you chat to someone to be polite but have no intention of taking it any further BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT COMPATIBLE and/or you only want one thing. You haven't entered into some contract that means you must go out with any man you speak to, so then you just go happily on your way.
What I would say though, is Dutch women generally aren't too stupid or gullible. They are quite good at spotting the guys who will be a nightmare to get involved with, or expect you to pay for them or who are generally just not nice people. This is due in part to the standard of behaviour of Dutch men being quite high. I can think of some nationalities where the men seem to be brought up as little emperors and the women are expected to run around after them, hence they can drink heavily, let themselves go, cheat, be verbally abusive (or worse), ill mannered, but none of it matters because they're THE MAN.
When I lived in Holland, I never got asked out so much, and in such charming ways - just that right blend of getting to know me for just the right amount of time, and the right way of asking, between casual and serious. But again, I look quite Dutch.
I have heard from Dutch female friends that some Dutch men prefer non-Dutch women because they are less hard work. But there is never anything wrong with a woman exerting her own personal freedom of choice over whom she chooses to date.
I'm quite surprised to read this.
I have lived here for years. I have always thought Dutch women were actually quite open and friendly. Probably because they rarely get approached by Dutch men who are on average far from being flirt masters.
If you got rejected consistently, it is safe to assume that you did not do it right. Stop criticizing others, start improving yourself.
I think Dutch women are totally friendly and gorgeous. My only problem is how to get one :-D
Where's the good advice on that instead of all the complaining???
Good point David,
Why don't you just ask the expert? ;)
http://www.expatica.com/nl/ask_expert/expert/Relationships-Jean-Baptiste-Trannoy.html
I am from Asia who recently stayed in Holland for a month.. My boyfriend is Dutch and we have a very good relationship. Even if I am very far. Dutch people are very nice. I have met a lot of them and was surprised with the warm welcome, since I have been hearing before that they are aloof and cold. Well, it's not true. And they can all be very generous too. My experience in Holland was really great.
I'M from Asia too.I dating American guys for 6 years,he is sweet,willing pay for meals,drinks... But he turn to be bore guy from year to year.I met a Dutch guy in last week who was a tourist.he is sweet,funny,smart,independent.but he did not want to show me that he did really like me even he really did.but he did not want to pay for all meals and did not bough me a drink unless I paid for taxi and he paid for drink.German guys are very sweet too,listen,understand,will buy you drinks all night.but I kind of like the Dutch guy and going to visit him in holland soon.he told me he prefer to dating a asian girl because he think Asian girls treat men better than Dutch girl.
I think the problem with Dutch guy's expecting their dates to pay their share of the date, is that plenty of Dutch women actually prefer to pay their share.
I think it's because the girls don't want to be 'indebted' to their date. It's like how Dutch people are often turned off by unasked for service in a shop. If they get service, they feel they should give something in return. Likewise if a guy pays for everything, a girl might feel he expects something in return.
Untill now i have only been reading as what we guys normally call the BIG CITY GUYS yes they ar almost everything you ar saying but if you would look better around then you would quickly notic the netherlands isnt made out of only big cities where i live wich is relativly normal sized then ,we do care and can be easy indeed but we ar always willing to pay for drinks,food,movies,taxi and everything around but what we encounter mostly when we try is the dutch girl wanting to be independednt showing she can look after herself and one second later almost forcing us to pay for it all what is not only confusing but kinda a slap in the face caus 50/50 chance you did it wrong AGAIN like always.But if you show us that you would love to see us holding the doors open for you and paying for it all then dont say no to it while thinking YES!!! but just say yes we really will not look different against you if you say it,A hint for tourists if you want to have a sweet and shining white knight in the netherlands then good luck finding it in the big cities [edited by moderator] till now you see one same as girls rare but still out there just surrounded mostly by the ones you all complain about.So step out of the citie and look around in the more smaller ones you will see we ar what you hope and always ready to adjust and pop the big question aslong as you show that you would like that we cant read minds so dont expect it,Goodluck to you all who take this serious and maybe we will see you soon
i have no experience of approaching Dutch women in holland...but from travelling experience they seem to be some of the most open-minded, friendly and attractive women i have ever met. So, maybe people need a reality check berfore they make that move or try for two or three hours to seduce a girl thats just not too interested! i think its the individual approach that matters...not your general perception of a whole nation or culture....
whoa! had fun reading all the comments here, its really difficult to distuingish which is which hahaha.. been living in NL for a year and i can really say that splitting bills is quite normal there but is not always true that dutch guys wont pay for a girls drink, taxi or meal.. i meet several dutch guys who does..and i have many friends happily married to dutch...i guess in general u cant judge a person based on his/her race even though some streotyping is indeed right...still depends on a person itself and not by his/her race..PEACE!
Hi all, I just had a meeting with Dutch girl. She is very nice, friendly and attractive. She know to talk to people and she was paying their own coffee bill. That I can say dutch girl never give any kind of burden but the dutch girl is so independent.
EVERYONE I've talked to has complained about Dutch guys being lousy flirts, but really it's up to visiting women to step up their game and be more forward here. C'mon ladies!
http://tipsypilgrim.squarespace.com/blog/you-should-be-banging-more-dutchmen-heres-how.html
I bumped into this site unexpectedly. I read all the stories above and with some i agree and some i don't. I must say i am 100% dutch guy. I dated several dutch women and met some foreign. My last relationship was with a romanian lady, that was my best relationship. She tought me some things in dating etiquette that i did not know cause of my culture.
I think it has all to do with how you are being raised, culture and values. I did everything for this girl, payed everything. Why? Well i was thought by my dad it is done this way. And i agree, when a guy really likes a lady he will do more than most can imagine. Maybe i am old fashioned :o).
I like to meet new people, men and women to get involved and to get to know them. If there is a match, friendship can be very strong and last forever. I do know myself more now and like to meet / date foreign ladies more. Why? I have no clue... What i notices is that the ladies i met from Romania, Russia, Italy (all on holidays) are more feminine and seem more open to meet other people too. Maybe i am wrong but that is what i experienced now.
I'm a Dutch woman myself and I LOL'ed at this so much...
Of all the peoples I've met and cultures I know, Dutch dating is THE most subtle and complicated. For example, the girls who, according to foreigners, flirt all night and get hot and heavy "for an ego boost" and then mention their boyfriend at the end... They most likely didn't consider the guy was trying to get with them. Because unless filthy drunk, Dutch men don't typically make an effort to talk to/approach/ask out/date women they don't even know. So they would assume it was just casual, fun conversation, without any strong intentions. They would not think the men expected anything more to happen, and they would think he was having a good time and it's all innocent fun just talking. To seriously date most Dutch people (not just big city folk but the general people), you actually really need an introduction. It is considered weird and awkward to 'date' like Americans and to make any effort for people you don't even know. Dutch men may make small talk, but don't ask out a girl solely based on her looks without knowing anything about her, usually. So yes, we go out in herds and it is hard to approach one if you're not with their group... Find a group/herd, attach yourself to them in day time, go out with them at night, and you will get introduced to plenty people.
Also, split the bill - why would he pay for her? They're not married, they both work, they're both busy, both people's time is worth the same. Or he pays one time, she pays another time.
Yes, we are rude, but take it as a compliment. A woman who would bad-mouth your country on a first date is just teasing, or being frank, which she would not do unless she already felt comfortable and liked you a bit. This isn't a personal insult, and we Dutchies are severely unpatriotic ourselves, so we find it a little hard to place ourselves in the shoes of someone whose national honor has been offended.
Dutch men - just approach them yourself (once you know them, not random strangers) and be frank.
Also, Dutch men don't usually compliment women a lot (or use superlatives). Do this - but not so much as to be tooooo awkward - and you set yourself apart as the more charming foreigner.
Among Dutch women, Southern Euro men are considered a catch especially.
I live in the NL and think that Dutch women are feminine and very beautiful. [Edited by moderator]. Concerning other aspects, like 'going dutch' with the money, I must say that some times I find it annoying. Not the fact of a man not paying for my meal, cause I'm independent and proud and I pay my own stuff, but it's more this social gatherings in which everybody goes individually to pay their stuff. I'm used to a plain division and everybody adding money to the bill. Poor restaurant waiters!
whats with all dutch men I date. They always go to their parents EVERY weekends?
Hehe,I also dating a Dutch guy.his parent are divorce and he go visit them very weeks
my dutch boyfriend is so close to family. this weekend we go to his parents, next week to his grandparents, christmas to family gathering, even tommorow his brother will visit us for dinner.
I recently met four handsome Dutch men in the Caribbean. At first, they kept to themselves, but the second time we met they were extremely friendly, very funny, very boisterous... but I could not stop smiling. They were like little boys in handsome, grown men's bodies. We only went out together a couple of times but it was the best time that I have had in a long while. As long as you try to behave yourself, it can be extremely entertaining. Wish I could spend another night in their company....
When you're dating in a foreign country, don't think negative! Some of your actions may get different reactions (audio and body) from your date... But don't assume this is negative, like mentioned befor if a girl 'bad mouths' try to see the bigger picture, why is she bad mouthing.. she allready feels comfortable? is it even bad mouthing? maybe from your perspective... perhaps not from hers...
In general dutch girls know very well what they want and don't want.. this ofcourse does differ with each person.
If I could give you one advice, try to be yourself and if this does lead to unexpected things.. well isn't that the reason why you came to the Netherlands? to experience new things? It would be interesting to talk about that stuff with your date... he or she appears to be open for new experiences aswell since they're dating you!!
Dutch men all want different stuff, some want a 'easy' tourist for couple of days.. other do want the full relation.. but what most men have in common is that a girl shouldn't be to easy.... we want to work for you! And if a men likes you they tend to go very far for that! As long as you exploit it on a sweet way it atracts them!
And the whole 'going dutch' thingy, woman are equal, they are not less, if not they are in many ways more then us men! So it it's a fine line of not insulting the female by opening doors , paying for everything... We think woman love to be well treated, but when it's overdone it can be a downer...
I am from the caribbean and have been dating a dutch man for several months now long distance. We are deeply in love with each other. I found him to be very controlling and he gets upset for simple things, such as if Im online and he is not there. When Im online, Im usually there waiting for him. We communicate with each other everyday, if I do not send him an email or communicate with him he gets upset. He is very romantic and I love that about him. Our plan is to get married in the future.
Any advise if this strong expression of love and being controlling are normal dutch man's behaviour.
Hehe, I'm a Dutch guy in a long distance relationship and I tend to do the same. It's jealousy and frustration, both of which are based on love.
He just wants to spend as much time with you as possible, and he misses you.
I have been in a relationship with a dutch guy for 16 months now. I am asian. We met twice already and ive been in holland for few months to be with him. He is very romantic and sweet on our first year. That made me decided to quit job in sg and go with him. At first he like us to communicate as everyday as possible and sendas much messages as possible in a day which i love ofcourse it only shows he loves me and when i met him amd his family i see how happy and proud he is to have..But when i left holland and back to my hometown he started to act strange. He always say he is busy.. The everyday become worst not even have time to answer my messages even he do nothing. Only reading but no response. He want me to come again just to have final decision if he will continue. I did love him very much but i dont see the reasons why he need to do this to me. Not even bother if im doing okay. He goes on his holiday very often but always complaining to me he dont have money to meet me..its just very different from the dutch boyfriend i had in our first year..
Just sharing and get some advice..
Just exchange "Sweden" and "Swedish" for "The Netherlands" and the "Dutch", and it applies here as well.
Something is wrong in the cold North!
I've been here for a year now. Broke up with my ex (non Dutch) several months ago. Talked to probably hundreds of Dutch women in bars, cafes, etc. I can tell you that I'm actually considering leaving the country because I find the women so stand-offish. They flirt for hours with you and then say "I Have a boyfriend", just to get an ego boost. You date them and they always need to check the "agenda" because they're life is so busy. They're always worried if they look "easy". [Edited by moderator] They have little sense of politeness of subtility. I've had one girl badmouthing my home country on the first date. I've had other come home with me and then run away. Yes, I've seen this sort of attitude before, up in Scandinavia. Of course this is a generalization, I've met some really nice Dutch women, [edited]
I strongly disagree, I\\\'m from central america, and it only started with my aunt marrying a dutch man, 10 years ago, after that. its called the \\\"curse\\\" all 4 of her sisters are happily married to dutch men, and I , who thought Id never date a european, have never been happier. and all the dutch men I know open doors, pays for drinks when we go out and are very intelectual, very funny, they are constantly joking and teasing, I find them very interesting indeed.
I must say, my Portuguese heart has been stolen by a Dutch man. I have been with him for more then 4 years. I could not be more happier. I’ve dated men from different countries from north to south EU. Of course you can’t always compare the cultural background and it’s clashes. But in general Dutch men on their 30ies are truly cordial, loyal, flirty and funny. It seams that they are in fact open for foreign women, I guess curiosity for something unusual. Youngsters and students no way completely opposite!! Probably generation gap [edited by moderator]
I had similar problems with my Dutch boyfriend for the first few months of our relationship. However, after a year he has changed completely! He offers to pay for meals, holds the door open, and actually makes an effort to dress smartly. He has realised that in London, where I am from. Standards are much higher in dating etiquette. I still can't stand his female friends though. They lead guys on, and then drop them very qiuckly.
Why should men pay for meals and other stuff? I swear I really don't understand that concept. I'm an independent woman and as such I can pay for my own things.
I'm not from the Netherlands (I'm Portuguese) but I definitely understand why Dutch men behave the way they do, it's a matter of equality. If men and women are equal why should men have to keep the doors open for them? Why should they have to pay for dinners? Why can't women do that? Why can't they at least share the expense?
Women from other countries might dislike Dutch men because of that, but the truth is there's plenty of men in the world who complain (and with good reason) about having to pay for everything when they're in a relationship with a woman.
wow some of you people are actually very good at generalization.. how smart is that to generalize al dutch. people that are wining about the dutch girls maybe just say the wrong things, and act on the wrong way [edited]. its pretty easy to wine about it on the internet i see.. maybe its a good idea to [edited by moderator] improve your attitude and strategy towards woman. also how people can talk about dutch guy's.. haha i dont think there are any real dutch people in holland anymore, we mixed up with every single race you can think off.. thats how everyone can act differently and like different things. maybe thats is the hardest thing about holland.
I am sorry to say, But i think it is not really realistic to say that dutch women are rude, and that they know that they are beautifull and so on.
in every country you have good women and bad. Better first think before talk.
Not all the dutch women are like this but there are enough who act and speak as they are the centre of the univers. Those persons don't have the notion of "friend", they are only using you as much as they need. But ths kind of persons are everywhere.
I have few friends. You can count them with the fingers of one hand.
Regarding the payment in restaurants I think that it's good to share it, unless you are inviting and you have to pay. This is what I learnt from some other countries. When I'm inviting someone I'm paying. :-)
wow, these comments are really not very useful. clearly, MANY people have experienced difficulties dating dutch people, more so than dating other nationalities; the article explicitly highlights this point. the phenomenon is real. generalizations (e.g. "there are ___ kind of people everywhere") and defensiveness on the part of dutch people are just avoiding discussing the real issue: WHAT is it about dutch culture that makes it difficult for people from other countries to understand them with respect to dating? does no one have anything insightful to say? who gives a **** about splitting checks? that is just the most trivial reason to have a problem with them. and also, my experience with dozens of dutch male friends and lovers doesn't support that stereotype AT ALL. i have dated several dutch people during the two years i have spent here. perhaps it is useful to know that i look rather dutch and have no problems getting attention from men here, so my being physically undesirable is not the cause of my dutch dating frustrations. one observation i can share is that because dutch people are generally quite pragmatic, and also tend to get married / permanently attached much later in life than in many cultures, they tend not to invest themselves in a relationship unless they feel very certain it is "worth it." as an american, i've struggled with this dating philosophy, because in the US casual dating, and getting to know someone gradually is the norm. dutch guys, in my experience, tend to be 100% in, ready to commit early on, ONLY IF they think you are too good for them. if the two of you are more on the same level, then more strategezing is apparently necessary, though i personally haven't figured it out yet. if anyone has any tips on how to hook a dutch man, i'm all ears, haha. i think also that if they prefer foreign women, they prefer those who are dramatically different from dutch women (i.e. exotic), so i'm not surprised to hear positive experiences from latin women, for example.
So not all women you chat up want to go out/go home with you? Must mean they all ego boosting players, obviously! As a female, might I offer a little insight on this. This is what happens when you chat to someone to be polite but have no intention of taking it any further BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT COMPATIBLE and/or you only want one thing. You haven't entered into some contract that means you must go out with any man you speak to, so then you just go happily on your way.
What I would say though, is Dutch women generally aren't too stupid or gullible. They are quite good at spotting the guys who will be a nightmare to get involved with, or expect you to pay for them or who are generally just not nice people. This is due in part to the standard of behaviour of Dutch men being quite high. I can think of some nationalities where the men seem to be brought up as little emperors and the women are expected to run around after them, hence they can drink heavily, let themselves go, cheat, be verbally abusive (or worse), ill mannered, but none of it matters because they're THE MAN.
When I lived in Holland, I never got asked out so much, and in such charming ways - just that right blend of getting to know me for just the right amount of time, and the right way of asking, between casual and serious. But again, I look quite Dutch.
I have heard from Dutch female friends that some Dutch men prefer non-Dutch women because they are less hard work. But there is never anything wrong with a woman exerting her own personal freedom of choice over whom she chooses to date.
I'm quite surprised to read this.
I have lived here for years. I have always thought Dutch women were actually quite open and friendly. Probably because they rarely get approached by Dutch men who are on average far from being flirt masters.
If you got rejected consistently, it is safe to assume that you did not do it right. Stop criticizing others, start improving yourself.
I think Dutch women are totally friendly and gorgeous. My only problem is how to get one :-D
Where's the good advice on that instead of all the complaining???
Good point David,
Why don't you just ask the expert? ;)
http://www.expatica.com/nl/ask_expert/expert/Relationships-Jean-Baptiste-Trannoy.html
I am from Asia who recently stayed in Holland for a month.. My boyfriend is Dutch and we have a very good relationship. Even if I am very far. Dutch people are very nice. I have met a lot of them and was surprised with the warm welcome, since I have been hearing before that they are aloof and cold. Well, it's not true. And they can all be very generous too. My experience in Holland was really great.
I'M from Asia too.I dating American guys for 6 years,he is sweet,willing pay for meals,drinks... But he turn to be bore guy from year to year.I met a Dutch guy in last week who was a tourist.he is sweet,funny,smart,independent.but he did not want to show me that he did really like me even he really did.but he did not want to pay for all meals and did not bough me a drink unless I paid for taxi and he paid for drink.German guys are very sweet too,listen,understand,will buy you drinks all night.but I kind of like the Dutch guy and going to visit him in holland soon.he told me he prefer to dating a asian girl because he think Asian girls treat men better than Dutch girl.
I think the problem with Dutch guy's expecting their dates to pay their share of the date, is that plenty of Dutch women actually prefer to pay their share.
I think it's because the girls don't want to be 'indebted' to their date. It's like how Dutch people are often turned off by unasked for service in a shop. If they get service, they feel they should give something in return. Likewise if a guy pays for everything, a girl might feel he expects something in return.
Untill now i have only been reading as what we guys normally call the BIG CITY GUYS yes they ar almost everything you ar saying but if you would look better around then you would quickly notic the netherlands isnt made out of only big cities where i live wich is relativly normal sized then ,we do care and can be easy indeed but we ar always willing to pay for drinks,food,movies,taxi and everything around but what we encounter mostly when we try is the dutch girl wanting to be independednt showing she can look after herself and one second later almost forcing us to pay for it all what is not only confusing but kinda a slap in the face caus 50/50 chance you did it wrong AGAIN like always.But if you show us that you would love to see us holding the doors open for you and paying for it all then dont say no to it while thinking YES!!! but just say yes we really will not look different against you if you say it,A hint for tourists if you want to have a sweet and shining white knight in the netherlands then good luck finding it in the big cities [edited by moderator] till now you see one same as girls rare but still out there just surrounded mostly by the ones you all complain about.So step out of the citie and look around in the more smaller ones you will see we ar what you hope and always ready to adjust and pop the big question aslong as you show that you would like that we cant read minds so dont expect it,Goodluck to you all who take this serious and maybe we will see you soon
i have no experience of approaching Dutch women in holland...but from travelling experience they seem to be some of the most open-minded, friendly and attractive women i have ever met. So, maybe people need a reality check berfore they make that move or try for two or three hours to seduce a girl thats just not too interested! i think its the individual approach that matters...not your general perception of a whole nation or culture....
whoa! had fun reading all the comments here, its really difficult to distuingish which is which hahaha.. been living in NL for a year and i can really say that splitting bills is quite normal there but is not always true that dutch guys wont pay for a girls drink, taxi or meal.. i meet several dutch guys who does..and i have many friends happily married to dutch...i guess in general u cant judge a person based on his/her race even though some streotyping is indeed right...still depends on a person itself and not by his/her race..PEACE!
Hi all, I just had a meeting with Dutch girl. She is very nice, friendly and attractive. She know to talk to people and she was paying their own coffee bill. That I can say dutch girl never give any kind of burden but the dutch girl is so independent.
EVERYONE I've talked to has complained about Dutch guys being lousy flirts, but really it's up to visiting women to step up their game and be more forward here. C'mon ladies!
http://tipsypilgrim.squarespace.com/blog/you-should-be-banging-more-dutchmen-heres-how.html
I bumped into this site unexpectedly. I read all the stories above and with some i agree and some i don't. I must say i am 100% dutch guy. I dated several dutch women and met some foreign. My last relationship was with a romanian lady, that was my best relationship. She tought me some things in dating etiquette that i did not know cause of my culture.
I think it has all to do with how you are being raised, culture and values. I did everything for this girl, payed everything. Why? Well i was thought by my dad it is done this way. And i agree, when a guy really likes a lady he will do more than most can imagine. Maybe i am old fashioned :o).
I like to meet new people, men and women to get involved and to get to know them. If there is a match, friendship can be very strong and last forever. I do know myself more now and like to meet / date foreign ladies more. Why? I have no clue... What i notices is that the ladies i met from Romania, Russia, Italy (all on holidays) are more feminine and seem more open to meet other people too. Maybe i am wrong but that is what i experienced now.
I'm a Dutch woman myself and I LOL'ed at this so much...
Of all the peoples I've met and cultures I know, Dutch dating is THE most subtle and complicated. For example, the girls who, according to foreigners, flirt all night and get hot and heavy "for an ego boost" and then mention their boyfriend at the end... They most likely didn't consider the guy was trying to get with them. Because unless filthy drunk, Dutch men don't typically make an effort to talk to/approach/ask out/date women they don't even know. So they would assume it was just casual, fun conversation, without any strong intentions. They would not think the men expected anything more to happen, and they would think he was having a good time and it's all innocent fun just talking. To seriously date most Dutch people (not just big city folk but the general people), you actually really need an introduction. It is considered weird and awkward to 'date' like Americans and to make any effort for people you don't even know. Dutch men may make small talk, but don't ask out a girl solely based on her looks without knowing anything about her, usually. So yes, we go out in herds and it is hard to approach one if you're not with their group... Find a group/herd, attach yourself to them in day time, go out with them at night, and you will get introduced to plenty people.
Also, split the bill - why would he pay for her? They're not married, they both work, they're both busy, both people's time is worth the same. Or he pays one time, she pays another time.
Yes, we are rude, but take it as a compliment. A woman who would bad-mouth your country on a first date is just teasing, or being frank, which she would not do unless she already felt comfortable and liked you a bit. This isn't a personal insult, and we Dutchies are severely unpatriotic ourselves, so we find it a little hard to place ourselves in the shoes of someone whose national honor has been offended.
Dutch men - just approach them yourself (once you know them, not random strangers) and be frank.
Also, Dutch men don't usually compliment women a lot (or use superlatives). Do this - but not so much as to be tooooo awkward - and you set yourself apart as the more charming foreigner.
Among Dutch women, Southern Euro men are considered a catch especially.
I live in the NL and think that Dutch women are feminine and very beautiful. [Edited by moderator]. Concerning other aspects, like 'going dutch' with the money, I must say that some times I find it annoying. Not the fact of a man not paying for my meal, cause I'm independent and proud and I pay my own stuff, but it's more this social gatherings in which everybody goes individually to pay their stuff. I'm used to a plain division and everybody adding money to the bill. Poor restaurant waiters!
whats with all dutch men I date. They always go to their parents EVERY weekends?
Hehe,I also dating a Dutch guy.his parent are divorce and he go visit them very weeks
my dutch boyfriend is so close to family. this weekend we go to his parents, next week to his grandparents, christmas to family gathering, even tommorow his brother will visit us for dinner.
I recently met four handsome Dutch men in the Caribbean. At first, they kept to themselves, but the second time we met they were extremely friendly, very funny, very boisterous... but I could not stop smiling. They were like little boys in handsome, grown men's bodies. We only went out together a couple of times but it was the best time that I have had in a long while. As long as you try to behave yourself, it can be extremely entertaining. Wish I could spend another night in their company....
When you're dating in a foreign country, don't think negative! Some of your actions may get different reactions (audio and body) from your date... But don't assume this is negative, like mentioned befor if a girl 'bad mouths' try to see the bigger picture, why is she bad mouthing.. she allready feels comfortable? is it even bad mouthing? maybe from your perspective... perhaps not from hers...
In general dutch girls know very well what they want and don't want.. this ofcourse does differ with each person.
If I could give you one advice, try to be yourself and if this does lead to unexpected things.. well isn't that the reason why you came to the Netherlands? to experience new things? It would be interesting to talk about that stuff with your date... he or she appears to be open for new experiences aswell since they're dating you!!
Dutch men all want different stuff, some want a 'easy' tourist for couple of days.. other do want the full relation.. but what most men have in common is that a girl shouldn't be to easy.... we want to work for you! And if a men likes you they tend to go very far for that! As long as you exploit it on a sweet way it atracts them!
And the whole 'going dutch' thingy, woman are equal, they are not less, if not they are in many ways more then us men! So it it's a fine line of not insulting the female by opening doors , paying for everything... We think woman love to be well treated, but when it's overdone it can be a downer...
I am from the caribbean and have been dating a dutch man for several months now long distance. We are deeply in love with each other. I found him to be very controlling and he gets upset for simple things, such as if Im online and he is not there. When Im online, Im usually there waiting for him. We communicate with each other everyday, if I do not send him an email or communicate with him he gets upset. He is very romantic and I love that about him. Our plan is to get married in the future.
Any advise if this strong expression of love and being controlling are normal dutch man's behaviour.
Hehe, I'm a Dutch guy in a long distance relationship and I tend to do the same. It's jealousy and frustration, both of which are based on love.
He just wants to spend as much time with you as possible, and he misses you.
I have been in a relationship with a dutch guy for 16 months now. I am asian. We met twice already and ive been in holland for few months to be with him. He is very romantic and sweet on our first year. That made me decided to quit job in sg and go with him. At first he like us to communicate as everyday as possible and sendas much messages as possible in a day which i love ofcourse it only shows he loves me and when i met him amd his family i see how happy and proud he is to have..But when i left holland and back to my hometown he started to act strange. He always say he is busy.. The everyday become worst not even have time to answer my messages even he do nothing. Only reading but no response. He want me to come again just to have final decision if he will continue. I did love him very much but i dont see the reasons why he need to do this to me. Not even bother if im doing okay. He goes on his holiday very often but always complaining to me he dont have money to meet me..its just very different from the dutch boyfriend i had in our first year..
Just sharing and get some advice..
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