Amanda van Mulligen has been in Holland for seven years now – with her Dutch partner – and although she finds that much of the culture goes against her grain – not to mention having to view things from a Dutchie’s point of view, she has found a way of balancing the equation.

Cons:

Dinner at 5, nudity, daily supermarket tripping
I still cannot get used to the dinner invitations for five o'clock, when everything in my history and background screams that dinner is an evening event and should not coincide with the reading of the football results on the BBC.
I am still amazed at the language and nudity on Dutch television prior to the nine o'clock watershed I grew up with in the UK. The almost daily visit to the supermarket, rather than the weekly trolley race at Tesco or Sainsburys, is also a cultural trait that sits uncomfortably. Furthermore customer service in Holland astounds me, or rather the fact that good customer service eludes me, the queues in the shops appal me and the limitation of choice in the aisles baffles me. And I am not alone.

Fighting for space
The fight with death as you come onto or leave the motorway, the inbuilt 'fight for space' mentality that takes over every Dutch person when they get behind the wheel of a car, giving the illusion that you are always driving with a trailer attached, are yet to become attractive modifications to my way of living. But there it is; the small things that make up life with a Dutchman.

Pros:
Cycle paths, public transport system, no net curtains, help with baby
Of course there are the pros. The extensive network of cycle paths facilitates travel across the country on two wheels. The public transport system stretches far and wide, taking passengers across national borders. The refusal to put up net curtains, so that the living rooms are essentially display areas for passers-by, is a desirable cultural trait that the nosy part of me embraces (though obviously not in my own home). Of course flowers are cheaper and guests invariably bring a bouquet with them so that houses are generally full of laden vases. And last but not least it is normal to have practical help from a professional for a few weeks after a baby is born, paid for by medical insurance.

Home life
So what effects does this have on our home life? Well of course there is the complaining every time we venture shopping, and tempers flare when we are yet again treated with contempt for burdening staff with ringing up our purchases or asking them a question. There are discussions about missing the end of the rugby/football match because the family will be on the doorstep waiting to be fed at five o'clock, and every time we step into a car together there are violent threats and offers of being dumped at the roadside. But as a couple we step over these minor diversity issues and try to grip the positive things, those differences that enrich who we are and how we work together.

The language competence is the most visible advantage. I can now communicate in Dutch; a language I mistakenly thought was a dialect of German when I heard it whilst holidaying in Turkey many years ago as a teenager. My partner is about to start working in an English speaking office, thanks to our bi-lingual household, and I work in a truly international arena which I would not have enjoyed had I remained in England. Meeting people of different nationalities and backgrounds is without a doubt inspirational, and an experience that we can both bring back into our home.

Mixed views

A less visible benefit is that we experience everything from two sides; how it looks to a Dutchie and how it looks to a Brit, conscious that it can be poles apart. Our understanding of each other is heightened through our awareness that we are different. We take more time to ensure we can read each other’s behaviours or reactions correctly. Our communication is more thorough because we know that one of us is always talking in a second language, and our relationship is more prone to miscommunication. A mix of Dutch and English helps to overcome this, emphasising the words that mean more in English than in Dutch or vice versa. In short we are made stronger by taking the best from both our cultures and adapting them to us. No more is this apparent than in the way my partner has welcomed the British pub into his life, and all beer derived from the British Isles.

We don't do things the 'Dutch" way, nor do we do it the 'British' way but we mix the best of both worlds and do it our own way.

1 April 2008

Amanda van Mulligen, British born, moved to The Netherlands in 2000 and runs The Writing Well, an English language writing and translation business. She is married to a Dutchman and has one son. Amanda writes about life as an expatriate in Holland as well as travel articles. For more information visit her website at www.TheWritingWell.eu

[Copyright Expatica 2008]