The European Mama: How to talk to Dutch doctors so they will listen
Olga Mecking accepts the 'natural' Dutch health approach, but sometimes an expat just wants some real medicine besides 'bitterballen' and paracetamol.
For those of you not yet in the know about the Dutch healthcare system, doctors in the Netherlands believe that everything can be cured by paracetamol and bread. I still remember the shock when I asked for the chicken pox vaccine for my kids and was told that such a vaccine does not exist. I know for a fact that it does exist, it’s just not done in the Netherlands because going through the chicken pox is 'natural'.
Dutch doctors and the Dutch in general are obsessed with all things 'natural' or 'normal'. 'So it should come as no surprise that this preoccupation with 'keeping it real' extends to all acts – birth being no exception', writes Colleen over at Stuff Dutch People Like. And it does extend to the rest of the healthcare system as well. I don’t know how many times I went to the doctor with a sick child only to be told to go back home and give them paracetamol.
My husband, however, always gets medicine when he needs it. Many times I've sent him to the doctor’s office with whichever child is sick at the time, and he comes back home waving the prescription for antibiotics at me. I wondered for a long, how does he do it? What am I doing wrong? So I asked him. The insights he gave me are just too precious to keep secret. Apparently, Dutch doctors require a special mode of communication.
1) Tell, don’t ask
When calling to make an appointment, I used to ask if it was possible to see the doctor, pretty please. That was a big mistake. It often resulted in the secretary telling me they were full and if I was lucky, I may able to get a slot next week. My husband goes in and says, “I want an appointment asap.” And gets it.
Dutch doctors, like all Dutch people, expect directness and will be confused by your attempts at being polite. To be successful in seeing your doctor, you need to put your politeness aside and state your wishes loud and clear. Yes, you need an appointment right now. Yes, in 5 minutes is good. Once you’re in, tell your doctor what medications you want. You might still not get them but at least they understood your wishes.
2) Never lose your cool
A friend of mine half-jokingly told me how you can get the otherwise calm Dutch people to take action and maybe even panic a little – by not panicking. When you call your doctor, say, in your calmest Zen voice, ”Hello, is this Dr Soandso? I’m not sure but, you know, my child just drank a whole bottle of laundry detergent and looks a little bit blue. He’s not breathing either. So should I come and see you or is it not necessary?” If you lose your cool, they might think you’re a crazy expat who's freaking out for no reason. Speaking out is expected, but losing your temper is niet normaal.
3) Appeal to their expertise
The above example showed another point to consider to be successful in persuading your doctor to give you medicine. Even though Dutch doctors would never boast about their achievements, they still want to know they’re doing a great job at keeping people safe from all these bad medications. You can always ask your doctor questions like, “So, I see I don’t need antibiotics. But maybe you can tell me why?” and listen intently to their answer. Next time, the doctor may be more willing to give you real medicine at your appointment. Of course, laughing when they prescribe bitterballen and paracetamol won't help.
4) Choose your language and choose it well
My husband and I have a difference of opinion in this matter. I usually speak Dutch to show that I’m willing to adjust and expect the other side to do the same. My German husband speaks English because he understands it and it puts him in a position of power. We all have our reasons for our choice of language but think hard about the consequences of each choice before you open your mouth.
5) Use every trick up your sleeve
Take this simple advice from our book Dutched Up!: 'When explaining your illness, double the amount of time you’ve been sick, triple your symptoms and that equals help'. I don’t care if you have to lie, bribe, or threaten to get your meds. In tough times an expat must do what she has to do in order to survive. Use your very cute child to get the flu shot right away instead of having to wait for weeks, for example. You may lose your scruples when you walk into that practice but you might get meds and that is all that matters. Don’t worry; your conscience will heal together with your body.
6) Never refuse medication, never
If all your hard work pays off, you will get your holy grail: medication or an appointment with a specialist. And it doesn't matter if you went to see your GP for a digestive problem but were sent to a cardiologist, or whether you got the right meds or not, just take them before your doctor changes their mind. If you refuse, you may never get antibiotics again. If you feel that you were given the wrong medications, hang them on your wall like a picture. Just don’t say 'no'.
Conceding a point
You did all of the things I mentioned and it didn’t work? Well, you can’t always have what you want. And believe it or not, sometimes these Dutch doctors are right and you actually don’t need antibiotics and the paracetamol will do the trick. You can at least console yourself that it's actually a good thing and at least they won’t over-medicate you here. Then quietly call your doctor back home or ask someone to stock up your medicine cabinet the next time they come to visit.
This post is obviously tongue-in-cheek and to be taken with a grain of salt or two, but even if these tips are not necessary for you and your doctor is awesome, maybe at least you’ll have a good laugh.
Olga moved to the Netherlands in 2009 with a 6-week-old baby to be with her German husband. She is now mum to two trilingual daughters and expecting her third child very soon. She is a translator, and trainer in intercultural communication. She blogs about her experiences on The European Mama, which focuses on expat life and raising trilingual children. It won the Expat Blog Award in 2012 and continues to gain readership from all over the world. You can find her on Facebook and Twitter.
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