Expat dating: Online dating tips for men
Expatica's top five online dating tips for what you should – and shouldn't – do when you're dating on the internet.
Your profile is online and you're starting to make contact with some interesting and attractive women. How do you take it from here?
1. Do be interested – and interesting
Make the effort to write a personal email when you make the first proper contact.
"Lots of men just send a message saying ‘hello love, how are you doing...?'" says expat Jess, who's been online dating for six months, "and it made me wonder if they'd even read my profile."
On the other hand, this doesn't mean you need to write your entire life story. It will probably bore the pants off her, you run the risk of coming across as needy (not a good thing), and if all goes well, you'll have all the time in the world to fill her in later on.
Remember to ask about her and her life, as well as tell her stuff about you and yours. It's not just about you, or her, but rather about balanced conversation. Asking questions will keep the conversation flowing, but not so many that it seems like a test or inquisition.
2. Do make an effort but don't over do it
When you get a conversation going, try not to reply too frequently or too quickly, otherwise you might appear desperate or intense.
"One man started talking as if we were having this heavy relationship although we'd only exchanged a couple of emails," says Kirsten, who found her partner Ali via the internet. "I'd never spoken to him or met him yet he said he was in love with me... ridiculous." You can also wait for her to suggest meeting up: it can pay to play cool.
3. Don't introduce sex into the conversation
This is a not a smart move. Leave it up to her to start a conversation about sex, and even then be cautious in what you say in the early days. It's a delicate subject, even more so in the anonymous online world.
If you do introduce the subject or make sexual comments, be prepared that she might be turned off.
"He suddenly started making suggestive remarks," says Jess. "I'd thought he was really nice up until then, but that repulsed me."
If you want to go straight into sex talk, seek out special ‘adult' websites, not an online dating website.
4. Do be honest
You don't need to talk up your job, the amount of money you earn, or the car you drive to impress a woman. Boasting isn't attractive. Instead, make the most of what you do have and be confident in talking about your good points, whatever they are.
Never, ever, tell her you're single when you're married or in a relationship with someone else. She will find out the truth in the end, so what's the point?
5. Do keep a clear head
There's nothing wrong in chatting and flirting online with more than one woman at a time but don't be tempted to send standard replies to them all or start too many online conversations at the same time and get confused.
"He kept asking me the same questions about my job, he clearly couldn't remember I'd told him twice before," says Kirsten. "And once, unbelievably, there was another woman's name on the email." This is obviously not good.
For more tips on online dating, read Expatica's expat dating series:
- Online dating guide for expats
- Tips for creating an online dating profile
- Online dating tips for women
- Online dating after divorce
Looking for love? Interested in making new friends? Meet the most eligible internationals at Expatica Date! Registration is free – just choose your country and you're ready to go:
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Photo credits: Gflores (computer keyboard).
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