Ask the dating expert: When ethnicity is an issue
For some men, finding a date isn’t easy according to one Asian Expatica reader who finds it difficult 'to break into the Western woman's mindset'. Dating coach Jean-Baptiste Trannoy believes that the barrier isn’t necessarily on the women’s side.
Often, for Asian ethnicities it is hard to break into the Western woman's mindset. If you have Indian or Chinese ethnicity you have no chance as the women have made up their minds already. Do you have any recommendations on how to obtain social freedom and overcome the ethnicity barrier?
Dating coach, Jean-Baptiste Trannoy, replies:
Obtaining social freedom can only be achieved through working on your social skills. Then you will realise that the ethnicity barrier, like so many other limiting thoughts that prevent us from connecting with others, is mostly in your mind.
Let me break this down for you. I have coached guys from all ethnicities, nationalities and walks of life. Many used a similar belief as a way to rationalise why they were unsuccessful with women. It’s the easy road: Women don’t like Indian guys, period. I beg to differ. In reality, there are probably a million things you do wrong, and that’s why women don’t find you attractive.
That’s the tough part. The good news is, given the right amount of dedication and guidance, you can adopt different social habits, get different results and reform your system of beliefs to live a more active, diverse and meaningful dating life. So the first step is to take full responsibility and improve the way you communicate, i.e. flirt in this instance.
I have many female friends. Invariably, what I hear from them when they fall in love with a guy is this: “Actually, he’s not my type.” Followed by, “We had a really nice conversation.”
Women build up this mental image of Ken and Barbie from an early age only to fall for a guy who is nothing like it. Not because they’re insane, but because physical appearance doesn’t come first on their list. Whereas guys are visual to an extreme, women on the other hand fall for a guy with the right attitude.
What women want
The perfect man is confident and socially adjusted. He is a good conversationalist who knows how to listen as well as emote through story-telling. He has a positive outlook on life and he’s able to take the lead. He can playfully tease her and he can give a genuine compliment without sucking up to her. He does not reek of desperation and is at ease with his sexuality. All this is within your reach.
Am I saying that physical appearance is of no importance whatsoever? Of course not. But while an outstanding physical appearance will create a good first impression, it will not amount to much if it is not backed up by the aforementioned qualities. So all ethnicities, shapes and colours aside, the only thing you should pay attention to when it comes to how you look are the turn-offs. In short, avoid attraction killers such as hair popping out of your nose, foul breath or outdated and unflattering fashion choices. Epictetus: "There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will."
And finally, because I think that the beauty of this world lies in its diversity, embrace your origins and dare to speak of India with passion. Being assertive and passionate is part of the appeal of a confident man. And for all I know, many Western women have a fascination for India, its culture and traditions. Learn to use it to your advantage.
I hope this helped, feel free to contact me for more.
Jean-Baptiste Trannoy / Expatica
Jean-Baptiste Trannoy is a French dating-lifestyle coach. He coaches single expats of various ages and nationalities through one-on-one workshops, masterclasses and seminars via his company blusherseduction.com.
Ask the expert your dating question
Jean-Baptiste Trannoy is now available to answer your questions on dating, flirting and relatiohships via our Ask-the -Expert section under the 'Relationships' category in the Expatica country relevant to you.
Looking for love? Interested in making new friends? Meet the most eligible internationals in Netherlands at Expatica Date! (Registration free!)
Photo credit: nicolasnova
Comment here on the article, or if you have a suggestion to improve this article, please click here.