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Adrienne (Talani) Greben on why parents needn't worry about the effect expatriation has on their children – with the right attitude the experience can only be enriching.Don't worry parents, your children will settle in the new country, so don't use them as an excuse for turning down an international assignment. Expatriate children can – and do – grow up to be savvy, articulate, interesting, and diversity-embracing adults, so give them a chance of a lifetime, a life-altering, enriching experience.
Much has been written about the expatriate child experience, warning parents about the pitfalls of life in another country. Throughout this article, eight American children, all now thriving adults at various stages of life, recall their positive experiences of living abroad and offer practical advice (see "A look at successful expatriate children today").
While on assignment, a few attended international schools, others enrolled in local facilities, and a couple went to residential schools in the host location – and none of them would trade their education as expatriate kids for anything.
Advice to parents: Be open and flexible
Never say "no" to this kind of experience because of your children, who should instead be a reason to go abroad as both they—and you—will benefit. And when you do accept the assignment, remember that how you approach the move will make an impact on the family and affect their experience.
"Sometimes parents are forced to go and aren't that happy about it. When my Mom wasn't happy, then neither was I," recalls Julia. "When she started being happy, so did I." For Tannia, the experience was different. "I didn't want to go. I was [afraid] to change," she says. "But now, I miss it! I was very fortunate," she adds. "I had a mother who said, 'yeah, let's go!'" In other words, go with the right attitude:
- Be open-minded and courageous about this adventure.
- Learn to embrace change.
- Make the best of it while you can.
- Consider it a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
There's always somewhere new to go and people to meet. As Julia explains, "The feeling of not knowing what's coming next is a good thing. It's so exciting!" Share that excitement with your children by showing them that you 'want' the adventure, too.
Take full advantage of the opportunity to see and do new things, taste unfamiliar cuisine, and experiment with new hobbies. Stress how important it is for the children to learn the local language – and you will learn, too.
Although you don't have to "go native," don't try to keep everything the same as at home either because it will be different. Some things, however, will encourage familiarity and security. "Home [meant] wherever my parents were, where I had my own bedroom," Julia explains.
"Every place we went, we always had our same furniture, as though it was really my home." It also helps to create new little family traditions while maintaining your own value system and beliefs. As Steve remembers, "Your families get closer. You only have each other."
What steps can you take to promote healthy parent-child interaction?
- Talk openly about everything, and be there to listen and support each other.
- Keep your children informed throughout the relocation process.
- Get involved in your children's school. Seriously consider sending them to one of the local schools, if possible, to really learn about the culture.
And if you're a non-working parent, make the effort to be active, even if it is forced at first. Take the children on visits to the surrounding region. "I liked how my parents educated me in the international culture. They let me experience it at my own pace," Michael recalls. "My parents didn't have an international connection growing up. Little trips to see the country and the region were good for them, too."

Thanks for this information. It is good to be open to the new adventure and to talk about the relocation process to the children. Generally speaking the kids take the moves well but if children have special needs (learning disabilities) I do think parents need to think twice before moving. Get informed about the possibilities in the new country.
The most challenging move for the kids is the move back to their passport country. Suddenly they discover they are different there too.
I would encourage parents to read about third culture kids and adult third culture kids because the choices parents make do have a major impact on the lives of the children. I speak from experience. Please don't make your decisions lightly.
If you want to read more visit my blog: http://drieculturen.blogspot.com/
Thanks for this information. It is good to be open to the new adventure and to talk about the relocation process to the children. Generally speaking the kids take the moves well but if children have special needs (learning disabilities) I do think parents need to think twice before moving. Get informed about the possibilities in the new country.
The most challenging move for the kids is the move back to their passport country. Suddenly they discover they are different there too.
I would encourage parents to read about third culture kids and adult third culture kids because the choices parents make do have a major impact on the lives of the children. I speak from experience. Please don't make your decisions lightly.
If you want to read more visit my blog: http://drieculturen.blogspot.com/
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