Why is it that so many expats who move to The Netherlands have such a different idea of what is in store for them than what they actually experience. Is The Netherlands so different? Do people take its culture for granted? Or are the Dutch people they meet while travelling so different to those they encounter back in The Netherlands?

You only need to spend a few minutes on a expat forum relating to life in the Netherlands to sense that people are a bit mystified by the Dutch, and let’s face it, it’s often not particularly positive. An Australian friend of mine coined a phrase which a number of people now use, “copping a Dutching” which is basically when you are in a situation where someone can use the same amount of energy to be helpful or unhelpful and they choose the latter.

But is this really fair? If all you have to complain about in a country is that the service is below expectations and that the people are a bit direct, then surely this is an easy cultural difference to be aware of and to adapt to.

So where does this frustration come from? Let’s start at the perception that people have of The Netherlands. People who have not lived here will tell you that they think the Dutch are cool, laid back, open and friendly and are up for a laugh. There is not much hostility towards the Dutch around the world generally and the Dutch football team was many people’s second team at the world cup…okay, until the final. Now that is quite different to the Dutch you meet back in the Netherlands. As people have found out, when you arrive here, do not expect to be invited around for a BBQ to meet loads of new Dutch people. A lot of the standard issues that people struggle with are true, it is very difficult to integrate into a Dutch group, their agendas are booked weeks in advance and there is not a lot of flexibility to squeeze in as an outsider. But the flip side of that is that when you persevere, and yes strangely for most of us it’s up to the new comer to make the effort, a friendship with a Dutch person is a very rewarding friendship that runs deep and you have the sense that you will remain friends for life.

So do people not prepare properly for the move? Do they make the effort to learn the language when they get here, which can be difficult but definitely not impossible. Most people just jump on a plane and think they can work it all out when they get here, which unfortunately is just not the case. Used to getting an internet connection within a few working days? Good luck getting that here. I helped an English company set up their operations in The Netherlands in 2009, it took us over two months just to get a phone number, let alone a working connection. You ring to try and sort it out for the umpteenth time, but instead of being told “Hey! Look, sorry we will sort this for you,” you end up feeling like you just got moved to the bottom of the pile. I admit I was not quite prepared for that one. But the sooner you realise as an expat that that’s just the way it is here, the sooner you will feel it’s not personal, it is just the way it is. There are ways to lessen these hurdles, and, if you are lucky enough to get a quality, service orientated relocation agency to help you, they can really help you to smooth out the process.

Now don’t get me wrong, I have been here for 10 years and am still at times flabbergasted when I “cop a Dutching” but it’s difficult to say that it’s the Dutch who should change. In the world happiness rankings (yes there is such a thing) the Dutch score highly, infrastructure and services work well as a whole, it’s safe, plus education and healthcare is well organised and of a high quality. The sooner we expats learn to accept some of these differences with a wry smile and a shrug of the shoulders, the sooner we will come to realise that we have it pretty good here.

Edward van den Bergh was born to Dutch parents who decided to immigrate to New Zealand when he was seven years. In his twenties, he headed to Europe, spending five years in the UK and currently residing in the Netherlands where he has been living for 10 years. Van den Bergh is a founding partner at Expat Help www.expathelp.nl a company which specialises in relocation and tax issues for expats.