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You are here: Home Moving to Getting Started A guide to French etiquette

23/04/2008A guide to French etiquette

The French have some very formal rules about manners and etiquette. Avoid embarrassment with this guide to the essentials.

Meeting people

The French shake hands almost whenever they meet, and always when meeting someone for the first time or for business. Arriving at work in the morning, it is quite common to greet colleagues with a handshake, and to shake hands again when leaving.

Greeting anyone familiar — like a favourite restaurant waiter or a next-door neighbour — is also usually begun with a crisp handshake.

When colleagues know each other well, and in situations between friends, women will often greet each other, and male colleagues or friends, with a kiss on the cheek. Beware - don't take the first step if you are uncertain, but be ready to embrace!

The choice of vous and tu to say "you" in French is confusing, and sometimes very subtle. But a simple rule is that the more intimate tu is only employed amongst family and friends. It is common for work colleagues to say tu, but wait until someone else does it first.

Socialising

A common way of getting to know someone is to have a drink together. But the French are not into bar binges, and an aperitif is usually sipped and stops at two.

Wine accompanies dinner and never replaces it, and a glass is filled to three-quarters, never to the brim.

Dinner guests are expected to bring a gift, however modest, and this is usually a bottle of wine, flowers, or a pre-agreed desert or cheese dish. The French keep their arms above the table, not in their lap.

Essential formalities

While people in France can sometimes appear to behave impolitely, the use of polite form in language is sacrosanct.  When addressing a stranger, always add Monsieur or Madame, as in Excusez-moi, madame if asking directions.

A typical gesture of politeness, which becomes the opposite if you don't apply it, is to let another person pass through a door first, and a man always gives way to a woman. If someone gives way to you, it is common to thank them or say pardon. Asking pardon is often a devalued term, and can be used in restrained anger, as when you move someone out of your way.

4 reactions to this article

kc posted: 10-09-2008 | 4:19 PM

Nice article - you forgot to mention that the French never ( eat with their fingers, almost never- peanuts

Kara posted: 25-06-2009 | 10:10 AM

I have worked in France for 12 years in various French and international firms and we have never shaken hands in the morning or at night when leaving the office. We do shake hands when meeting a new business partner or contact, but even when meeting a new employee, we usually just stand up and say hello and introduce ourselves but we do not necessarily shake hands.

Sara posted: 25-06-2009 | 11:48 AM

Well to be honest I have found that most French - and especially the men - are not polite. I have lived in France many years and before I was a regular visitor. Several years ago yes the French were polite, but quelle change now. I find I am constantly pushed out of the way by men in supermarkets bus ques etc.. I used to find French teenagers charming but again that seems to have changed. I find travelling on the underground in London a much better experience than the metro in Paris. Sorry to say but many seem to have become very selfish and arrogant.

Licouaze posted: 16-09-2009 | 5:27 PM

A Belgian national living in Denmark, I find the French much more polite than the Danish, who will bump into you and not apologize or almost sit on your lap on the bus. They also seem to be completely unaware of the fact that you can hold the door for the next person to come in without having to push it too. I almost never come across such a behaviour in France. I discussed this issue with other expats and they agree that Danes are really rude.

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