It's a remarkable thing watching your child's language develop.

The other night, for example, I watched and listened as my four-year-old son tried to explain what toy car he wanted to play with in the bath and though he knew exactly what he wanted, mum and dad were left guessing.

Finally, after scouring through the toy box and the zillions of cars at choice (and after I was hit on the head by a hard plastic toy my son threw into the air in exasperation) we found what he was looking for.

The mini-crisis was over, but it made me think about the wonder and challenges of communication – and the fact that life as an expat has granted my children extra challenges (and benefits).

My daughter has only just started on this road: magically starting to mouth the words mama and dada – a feat that leaves me brimming with joy.

My son, however, is further along this road, a road punctuated with bilingual hurdles – and he jumped across one of the biggest in recent weeks.

Though my wife speaks Dutch to the kids and I speak English – the classic form of bilingualism – my son's Dutch skills have developed quicker than his English.

This is natural, given the fact we live in the Netherlands.

And so, my boy and I would often communicate in two languages: I would talk English and he would speak Dutch and together we understood exactly what the other was talking about.

However, this left us with the issue of my Australian family and how they would be able to speak with him: though he understood English, my boy rarely spoke it.

But in the past few weeks, I have seen his English simply come alive – and strangely enough, he practiced it first with his mother.

You see, we've been visiting family in Australia these past few weeks and one day, my boy simply turned to his mother and said: 'Shall we speak English together?'

And they had an extended conversation together!

Since then, he has faultlessly picked the times when he should speak Dutch and when he should speak English, happy to chat away in either language.

And now that his passive language skills have transformed into active skills, he is quite naturally helping my Australian family learn Dutch.

It struck me that my son had a moment of realisation: visiting Australia for the third time he now understood why his father spoke English: it's because everyone else does.

And he wanted reassurance from his mother first: yes, though both of them could speak Dutch, they could also speak English and it was okay.

It's the miracle of bilingualism – two languages in one and not one euro spent on tuition!

Aaron Gray-Block
Editor
Expatica Netherlands

November 2006

Want to reply? Send your thoughts to feedback@expatica.com

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Dear editor,

You wrote a very apt and important piece on bilingualism, describing what most foreigners experience when they raise a family here. I grew up in Singapore (the only Asian country where the lingua franca is English) but lived in New Zealand for 10 years and subsequently in Australia for another 10 years.

Although I also speak my dialect Chinese and Bahasa Malay, my primary language is English. My wife, however, comes from China and her primary language is Mandarin. She also speaks other dialects like Shanghainese, Cantonese and Tianjinese but both of us have to communicate in English because she does not understand my dialect and vice versa.
 
Both our children are born in the Netherlands — my wife and I spoke to them only in English until they were 3 years old when my wife first started speaking Mandarin with them to facilitate communication with relatives in China. They learned Dutch from playing with neighbours, creche, pre-school and constant exposure to TV and in public areas. We were concerned that their level of Dutch proficiency would not be good enough since I speak only English and my wife speaks only mandarin with them in the home. However, their Dutch teacher has confirmed their spoken Dutch is on a par with native speakers.

Both of them are now attending an international school and attend Chinese lessons on Saturday mornings. Both of them are able to slip in and out from one language to the other depending on the person they speak to, using English when speaking to me and on cue, changing to fluent Mandarin when speaking to their mother. My older is now 10 and the younger is 8.
 
As you indicated already, the best and easiest time for anyone to learn multiple languages is when they are children. I totally encourage trilingualism!
 
Regards,
Name and address withheld

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Dear editor,

What you are witnessing and participating in is great fun. My own experience, after being born in England before WWII:

• then from the age of four spending about three years in a British hospital separated from my Dutch parents,
• then two years at home in England with lessons from a private teacher,
• then a year and a half in Holland at the age of eight before returning to England for a final spell of a year or so and then going back to live in Holland,

is that bilingual capability outside an active bilingual environment only endures from about the age of nine. This was more or less corroborated by the experience with my son and daughter, who went with my wife and me to the US at the ages of four and two respectively. Both became fluent in English (taking account of their ages, of course).

My daughter lost her Dutch and only regained it when we went back to Holland two years later, when within weeks she gave up on her English in spite of my attempts to keep her going by reading to her. These same attempts with my son were successful (we read together for years) and he retained a far better command of English than the average for pretty good students. Both of them are quite intelligent.
 
Regards,
Pieter Stek

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Dear editor,

I read your article on bilingualism with great interest. After reading it, I immediately sent it to my ex-girlfriend and mother of my daughter (who is two and a half years old). Like you, I too speak English to my daughter (sadly, like many expats my Dutch linguistic skills are limited to say the least) while her mother speaks Dutch and my daughter (naturally) speaks mainly in Dutch

My added problem is that because we are separated, I only see my daughter at the weekend. But to make matters worse I have been told by her mother that her level of Dutch is being affected by me communicating to her in English! She has been told that by her Crèche teachers who have said she speaks in broken sentences when she arrives back after a weekend with me.

So now I'm worried. Am I doing harm to my daughter by talking (and teaching her English)? I think not! But her mother and her crèche teachers do. I come from London, a city where many children don't speak English until they start primary school at five! So I know it is possible for a child to speak and understand many languages at a young age. 

Regards
Nnamdi Nwosu

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Dear editor,

I am so glad that this has gone well, for both you, your wife and your son (speaking as an Anglo-Dutch child).

However a word of caution: if you should have more than one child, remember that every child is different and some children have more difficulty with language than others.

It's good to be aware of this and to adjust your expectations of your children according to their particular abilities. (For instance, I am bilingual, my brother is not).

Sincerely,
Hanneke

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Dear editor

My wife forwarded your article with the comment: "Been there done that …" I enjoyed the article, but have a slightly different take on why your son decided to start speaking English.

I am born/educated in Denmark, but lived in the US for several years. I only spoke Danish to my two daughters, three years apart, but for both of them it was the same. Danish in, English out, until they turned about 4 years old.

So what makes them switch to answer in the second language? My theory
is:

1. Kids first have to be secure in the base spoken language (main language heard/spoken) then they can switch
2. At age 3-4, they become aware that you need more than one language to communicate (visiting other places or interaction with family members who don't understand them.)

To everyone out there going through this … keep it up, it is all worth the effort. My daughters seven and 10 now, email and visit their cousins/family regularly with all communication in Danish! And they developed a "no fear" attitude to other languages and cultures.

Best regards
The Vagabonds,

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[Copyright Expatica 2006]

Subject: Life in Holland