While many companies make extra efforts to reach out to female expatriate employees and female spouses, their male counterparts sometimes face severe stress and isolation - with almost no support structure in place.

A male trailing spouse and a single male on an expatriate assignment arrive in the same European city at the same time. After a few months, neither of them speak the local language fluently, and neither have made local friends. Both are longing to meet someone who can understand their situation and with whom they can share their frustrations.

But how will they find each other and men like themselves? Not at the monthly coffee of the foreign women's association, that's certain.

Chances are, men living abroad, unlike women, do not have a support type of group they can easily join that will help smooth their transition.

Also, with the majority of trailing spouses still women, companies tend to cater to what could be seen as female-specific support needs. But do multinationals pay enough attention to support for male expatriates and male trailing spouses?

Many HR departments seem baffled by the idea of providing support for men, and even those who entertain the idea say the feel there is no need for it.

Scottish expatriate Francis Carry works in the Paris office of cosmetics corporation Coty as VP of Human Resources for Europe.

While she accepts that workers sent abroad require some level of help arranging their relocation, she says the company has never had and has no plans for male expatriate support.

"We have had no real thoughts on this or queries about it. We are a very egalitarian company and so therefore always make sure that both men and women are helped on an equal basis, which applies also to our relocation requirements and policies," Carry says.

Cendant and PricewaterhouseCoopers, both of which Coty uses for arranging relocations, "have ever mentioned this before or said it is something we need to be looking at."

Integration courses deliberately designed for men and women have been very successful with many of Coty's expatriates, Carry points out.

"It's not a case of us being on the one hand 'pro-woman' and on the other offering no support to men. We just make it policy to treat both sexes the same," she says. "When we had new arrivals here, we also arranged tailor-made schemes so that they could feel less isolated, make friends and network."

And yet, even such egalitarian plans may not be enough to satisfy all men.

Australian expatriate Jim Rich is the club secretary of STUDS (Spouses Trailing Under Duress Successfully), a fellowship of English-speaking expatriate men in Brussels. He believes many companies do not understand that their male workers might need some support while abroad - and that without it, they can suffer serious cases of stress and isolation.

While companies are telling their workers to contact STUDS, or even putting a link to their website on their homepage, Rich believes much more needs to be done.

"Most firms sending males abroad don't even think about this issue which is really a big issue and I think which is going to become a far bigger issue in the near future as more and more are sent out on international assignments," Rich says.

STUDS fills the need for a male group - with an approach that appeals to men.

"We are not so much a support group but just an informal group of guys in the same situation who get involved in a general activity such as playing golf, relaxing and chatting," explains Rich.

"Its all about being together - it sounds simple but it's crucial to ensure the men stay happy and are not sitting on their own in a bedroom, not speaking the language and thinking they are the only one in the situation."

STUDS was founded when many expatriate men began turning up to American Womens' Club (AWC) meetings out of loneliness and desperation in an attempt to hear a bit of spoken English and to "feel normal again". A senior member then pointed out that it might be a better idea if they formed their own group.

STUDS now has members from all over the world, but mostly from the US, Canada and the UK. The men, alongside local males who want to practice English, come from a broad variety of sectors, from IT to government positions.

The group also receives regular emails from soon-to-be male expatriates from all over the world, particularly North America. They are eager to organise some form of support for when they arrive in Brussels.

Rich is keen to dismiss the idea that male workers should really be able to survive on their own in a foreign country, and that having to "hang out with the boys" to feel able to cope is in any way pathetic.

"We have been the subject of many studies, particularly university studies, all of which have shown that guys actually survive far better than women, providing they have contact with fellow males," he says.

"Generally speaking, the men can survive very well on their own abroad as they have a healthy attitude which to is to view their assignment as something that should be enjoyed - an experience which they might not get again, and not get frustrated by the fact that everything is different and strange."

Indeed, British national and published expatriate writer Huw Francis agrees that there is nothing shameful about a man who cannot cope on his own abroad, even when it comes to issues such as doing his own cleaning, ironing and cooking.

While not advocating laziness, Francis, who lives in Lille, France, says an observer should take into account the culture the male expatriate is coming from before being too judgmental, particularly as the cultural values of the observer and the expatriate in question are likely to greatly differ.

"Most people think a single bloke doesn't, even shouldn't, need support. However if you consider a man from Southern Europe who has never lived on his own, and who is used to a culture where the man is expected to be loud and strong and not do the washing and cooking, then it is very difficult for him to undo the cultural ways he has always known," says Francis.

"I have heard cases of such males completely falling to bits when sent to Western Europe. Not only are they are in a new, strange place and suddenly a minority group like other expatriates, they are suddenly left to live on their own, and try to survive without even knowing basic life skills because in their culture they are not expected to. Worse still, he can't even speak the language to go about looking for support."

For many Western male expatriates, the main point, says Francis, is not that they don't know how to cook, clean and take care of themselves, but they simply might not have the time to do any of this.

Whereas a man and his wife or partner could share household chores, or even ease the load by hiring an au pair or a household cleaner, Francis says a Western male expatriate, particularly managers who work long hours, hold positions of high responsibility and no thought is even given to their social situation.

"In Hong Kong I was working as a management consultant six days per week and sometimes I did not come home till two o'clock in the morning. I was working flat out and I needed hired help to manage my accommodation. If I had been working less hours I could have coped myself, it was as simple as that."

But the most difficult problem to address, according to Francis, lies not with the outside observer or the hours the man works, but with the man himself - namely, his pride.

Whilst many women are used to having a good sob if they are feeling upset and distressed, Francis says most men turn to drink to escape from their problems rather than talking about them, which will only make problems worse.

Frances believes the best solution is for expatriate male workers to have regular contact with an external specialist, preferably an expatriate with whom they can talk in confidence and discuss problems.

"A bloke is, unfortunately, never going to pick up the phone and make an appointment to see a counsellor. Therefore, if someone can come to his work place then he will still be able to get a form of counselling and support on an emotional level without him worrying that he is talking to a psychiatrist."

Editorial note: 

Since this story was written in 2002, Professional coach and interculturalist, Val Boyko, and PhD researcher, Yvonne McNulty, decided to carry out research into the issues faced by the accompanying male.

The results, reported on Expatica HR, showed that whilst there are some similarities, there are also significant differences in how males and females manage and adjust to the trailing spouse life...

UK-based freelance journalist Rob Hyde is a regular contributor to Expatica HR. A British national, Rob has lived and worked in England, France, Germany and Austria. His work has appeared in The Times, The Sunday Express and the Wall Street Journal Europe.