Making decisions, making compromises, and understanding a child’s needs are among the lessons the author of Parenting Abroad has learned, as Clare Chapman explains.

Moving abroad to start a new job can be a trying time for anyone - whether young or old, married or single. But when children are involved the process can become even more complicated, and even traumatic.

In a book released in January 2003, New Zealand-born psychologist Ngaire Jehle-Caitcheon gives some tips and advice to parents who have taken or are planning to move with their children abroad.

Currently living in Vienna with her Swiss husband, Jehle-Caitcheon has two children and works in the field of intercultural training.

The book, Parenting Abroad, takes its inspiration from the author's 26 years as an expat, experiences that she says have made her "wiser and more tolerant”.

In her own words, the book is about real parenting. About making decisions and about making compromises. But it is not a guide to bringing up children. It focuses on understanding a child's needs in a foreign environment, both from practical and emotional perspectives.

Jehle-Caitcheon deals with topics like accepting the initial assignment, creating a “home” abroad, as well as tackles family crises, including medical emergencies, business crises and even political evacuation.

The author says that children do not want to move and sometimes threaten to run away. To avoid such problems, Jehle-Caitcheon advises parents to include their children in their plans from the beginning.

“The way in which parents handle the decision to take a job abroad is vital. Do it the wrong way and feelings of resentment can be stored up for years,” she says. “It is important that parents of so-called 'international children' are aware of the differences between nurturing children at home and abroad.”

Jehle-Caitcheon points out that the first months are critical for children. “If you are not careful, children can very easily suffer from depression.”

Although Jehle-Caitcheon says the world is her home, having lived in Saudi Arabia, Cyprus, America and Zaire, she stresses the importance of the old cliché “home is where the heart is.”

“It is often the case that expat children grow up with no real feeling of home,” she explains. “On the one hand, this can be exciting as they can choose who they want to be on a day-to-day basis, depending on who they are talking to. For example, my children are Swiss one day, from New Zealand the next or even Saudi Arabian! But on the other hand if parents aren’t careful, their children may grow up with serious identity problems.”

Jehle-Caitcheon devotes part of her book to promoting “healthy” identity development in expat children.

She also raises the issue of traits, having studied the behaviour of many expat children and finding that they often behave in the same way.

“One trait in particular is the 'itchy feet syndrome',” says Jehle-Caitcheon. “Even if a child has a solid upbringing and a good education, they may find it difficult to settle down in later life, this can have damaging effects on relationships and later happiness.”

Practical advice on choosing a school is also offered in the new book, such as dealing with the dilemma of whether to send children to an international school or to a regular one.

"Both have advantages" says the author, "But it often depends on the length of stay. If your work involves a lot of moving around then international schools are more suitable, but if you plan on a long career in one country, local schools have distinct advantages, such as integration and language learning.”

However, these are not the only two options that Jehle-Caitcheon brings up in the book — boarding schools and home teaching are other possibilities.

Parenting Abroad is designed to help parents feel confident about a move abroad and offers a balanced and unbiased perspective from a mother who has lived on five continents.

"Expatriate children are a valuable resource," believes the author. "The world needs people who are able to cross barriers and bridge the gaps between cultures. And good parenting is the first step to creating future cultural ambassadors.”

Parenting Abroad can be ordered via the American publisher Aletheia Publications at http://members.aol.com/alethpub/.

March 2002