The image of a trailing partner has never really appealed to me. Trailing has a passive ring to it as it as it suggests that a person gives up her or his professional life to follow their partner to ‘greener pastures’—which is quite a sacrifice to make for love! On the other hand, everybody knows that trailing partners fulfil a crucial role in ensuring the success of an expat abroad. They are often the ones who set up the home, organise their family’s basic needs, ranging from utilities and schooling for the kids to completing all kinds of paperwork, permits and formalities. Most importantly, accompanying partners create a new social life in the new environment the family has moved to.

When I was an expat in Hong Kong, I was fortunate to have a trailing spouse who took care of these essentials when we relocated, so I could concentrate on the job ING had sent me abroad to do. Due to my heavy travel schedule I was unable to join the coffee mornings organised for trailing spouses on weekdays at the home of the consulate general’s wife. These events were attended by women, many of whom had given up successful careers in the Netherlands to follow their partner’s ambitions. Many of them were disappointed and grew increasingly unhappy when it became clear that their career choices in Hong Kong were severely limited to helping out in orphanages or fund-raising for charities. I could only imagine what it would feel like to not be able to put your talents to use in a professional capacity for so many years.

One out of four trailing spouses unhappy

Most of EuropeanPWN members are women expats, living and working abroad and leading professional lives. Expatica’s survey gave us the opportunity to take a look behind the obvious and investigate if there is a difference in happiness between the women expats and the trailing spouses. And indeed, significant differences exist. Women who moved abroad for their own job are twice as happy with their professional life as those who moved for their partner’s job (81% versus 44%). In addition, a shocking one out of four women (24%) who followed their partner are (very) dissatisfied with their professional life; this figure is three times higher than in cases where women made the choice for their own career (24% vs. 8%).
No labels but differentiation

These findings clearly show that we should stop assuming that all women expats are alike and recognise the differences among the groups. Only then will we realise that there is more to an expat assignment, for both partners, than meets the eye.

Mirella Visser is the president of EuropeanPWN, an on-line networking and learning community for women and companies seeking to promote women’s professional progress.