"Nobody asked me." Parents are often at a loss when it comes to helping sometimes reluctant children cope with relocating to a new country. Here are some tips for preparing your 'mini-expats'.

Is your child ready to go?

Many expats prepare themselves and their spouse - often with the help of their company - for culture shock when they move to a new country.

But are children prepared for what could be the biggest change they have experienced in their short lives?

Often, the answer is no. As Hilly van Swol-Ulbrich, founder and managing partner of Germany-based intercultural training firm CONSULTus, knows, children don't get the same level of attention as parents in the expatriation process.

"Whenever we presented the concept of doing a special 'kids-in-transition' training programme, all companies would say, 'What a wonderful idea!'" says van Swol-Ulbrich. "But how many booked a training?"

Very few, it turns out.

Van Swol-Ulbrich decided that cultural preparation should be available to more expat children.

"One of the major complaints by children is that they feel like an object, they feel like, 'I'm not involved, nobody asked me, I'm just an object being moved from A to B,'" she says.

 
"When you work with children, as we have done in kids' training, the first thing you have to respect is the individuality of the child. But it's also very important that you want to involve children in the process of international relocation."

Therefore van Swol-Ulbrich decided that the best way to "get the message out" would be in a relatively inexpensive (when compared to cultural training), non country-specific book filled with activities and stories that children could read and work on by themselves, but also with a parent, teacher or other adult.

Written and tested in 2001 and released in spring 2002 in both German and English, When Abroad - Do as the Local Children Do features Ori, a migrating bird who guides children through the book.

Unlike some books, which only deal with the move itself, van Swol-Ulbrich's book, targeted to 8- to 12-year-olds, covers everything from move preparations to repatriation.

"You can pick it up at different stages of the process," she explains. "You can pick it up in the pre-move stage, pick it up in the 'I'm going to say goodbye' stage, pick it up in the 'I'm in a new country' stage, at downturns in terms of culture shock, pick it up at particular times when you've come up to normal, 100 percent again - 'Wow, I've achieved something.'"

 Among the topics she covers: the dreaded first day of school.

Your children may not be as excited as you are about a prospective move

"Not everybody has the privilege of going to an international school that has tons of experience on how to integrate a newcomer," says van Swol-Ulbrich. "There are children out there who are having to go to local school, and at the end of the discussion we ask, How are you going to deal with that?"

At that point, the book has activities that the child can take into the school and do on their first day. Van Swol-Ulbrich describes it as a "fun but structured way of getting to know everybody in your class or in your grade."

With so much emphasis on interactivity, the book has a companion website where kids and parents can ask Ori and his friend, Ricki, questions and also find information on their new country.

The book itself has already received praise from corporations, international schools and parents.

One parent in the US loved the book because it allows children to express their concerns and negative feelings, which the parent described as "taboo" in the United States.

Other parents, who were about to move to Dubai, learned that their child was most concerned about being able to do his first communion because they were moving to an Islamic country.

"Together they went on doing research — what kinds of religious services are available for their particular denomination — to give the child the necessary support needed," she says.

Since the book's release, van Swol-Ulbrich has come out with a plush-toy version of Ori and has launched a worldwide tour of international schools that Ori will visit.

The English version tour began in August 2002 from an international school in The Hague, the Netherlands, and the German version from a German-language school, also in the Netherlands.

Kids can track Ori's international tour through the website as well.

"They can see where Ori and his travels have taken him, and the whole concept is interactive, and not generic but specific country information put together by the children."

Overall, van Swol-Ulbrich is pleased to see that family issues are becoming less taboo and that children are starting to get more of the attention they deserve.

"An awful lots needs to be done [for children] and can be done. I only consider this the beginning," she says.

[Copyright Expatica]

Subject: expat children; relocation