11 September 2007

Sarkozy is not the only one currently taking a crash course in rugby. For many of us recent initiates, rugby has always been a spectacular sight (something equivalent to modern day gladiators) but nevertheless, and even when we English won in 2003, a ritual swathed in mystery.

As a younger, naiver and happier spectator, I used to content myself with remarks upon the circumference of players’ thighs, their cauliflower ears, the way their gum shields look like Dracula party pieces, and I’d sway along to that pretty dance the All Blacks start every game with.

But this World Cup is different… This time I’ve made sure I have a few facts at my fingertips. Now, if I become aware of any Gallic posturing, I can riposte with – “oh, but didn’t you know that rugby comes from England? Yes, like all those other incomprehensible games played with a ball. A strange coincidence, it was invented at a school called Rugby!”

“When? Sometime in the early nineteenth century (you know, shortly after the invention of the Wild West). They were playing football with a pig’s bladder (that was when biology lessons had a purpose) when one of them picked up the ball and started running with it. It was simply one of those Eureka moments.”

I have also been reliably informed by Wikipedia that the game was only introduced to France in 1872 and, on New Year’s Day, 1906, the national side played its first test match against New Zealand in Paris.

Now we Brits are generous sorts and we’ve never been ones to gripe when, like any well-brought up child, we share what we know – even when ingratitude is such that we are subsequently thrashed at every turn (excepting, of course, our 2003 victory.)

But to see the Eiffel Tower today (decked out to resemble rugby goal posts, complete with inflatable ball), the posters and magazines at every kiosk, the rugby-shaped cakes in patisseries and the adverts on TV, a visitor from Mars might just be led to believe that this game was as garlic as they come.

Now, lets return to those Wiki-facts. Although France have competed at every Rugby World Cup since the inaugural tournament in 1987, they have never won the competition (DON’T laugh). They have, however, played in the quarter-final stages of every tournament, and have twice reached the final. In 1987 they were defeated by the All Blacks 29–9 at Eden Park, Auckland in the final (ah, diddums).

Of course, everybody wants the host country to do well. What a ball we had in Paris in ‘98 – even the expats could forgive the French for winning then! And, naturally, we don’t want any sulking in the bars and restaurants as the victors swill down their steak frites.

It will be a miracle if England stays in the competition long enough to come face to face with their old nemesis. But if we did – what a game! Saint Jonny of golden locks and glowing halo face to face with Chabal, the Caveman (aka Attila, the Anaesthetist or Hannibal Lector). It’d be like Luke fighting Darth Vader all over again.

And, of course, whatever the outcome, we English shall maintain our dignity. Remember: if football is a gentleman’s game played by hooligans, rugby is a holigan’s game played by gentlemen.

Who’s going to win the World Cup? Share your opinions with us by writing to Hannah.Westley@expatica.com