Grappling with the surreal world of the subjunctive? One expat relates his first experiences getting his tongue - and his head - around Spanish.

Picture the scene. It's a wonderfully sunny spring day and I'm relaxing on a beach in Marbella with a group of British and Spanish friends.

Everyone is having a good old banter as we sip beers and wine whilebasking in the sunshine.

Now given that estoy means 'I am' in Spanish and caliente translates as 'hot', it seems only reasonable to join the two words together:

 'Estoy caliente!' I exclaim, wiping the sweat off my brow.

The people around me, especially the women, start to giggle…what on earth had I said?

"You’ve just told them that you are hot," explains a male friend.

"But not in a temperature sense, more in a…how should I say…athletic sense." Ah! No wonder the girls are grinning.

A Spanish teacher at work

What I should have said was tengo calor – literally 'I have heat'. How embarrassing.

Still, although they chuckled at my mistake, there was no hint of malice in the faces of my Spanish acquaintances, just amusement.

From that moment onwards I was taken under their wing as a Brit abroad who was at least trying his best to speak a few words of the native tongue and they were more than prepared to give me some credit for that.

But should I be attempting more? Let me explain. I have been living on the Costa del Sol for just over a year now, having made the move from Britain.

The problem is that I don't really have that much opportunity to speak the language during the course of my work as most of the people I come into contact with speak English, or even if they are Spanish, they tend to revert to English once they discover my inability to converse fluently in castellaño.

Or maybe that's just an excuse for laziness.

In my defence, I have been going to language lessons. It was there I discovered that for reasons best known to whoever came up with the language, there are two ways of addressing people.

One for people you know well and a formal form you would use when talking to a stranger, or someone in a position of authority. What a nightmare!

Budding Spanish student Cary Johnston takes a break from homework

According to my teacher though, we Brits used to have a formal form as well. Think back to the Middle Ages – if you were addressing the King of the day, you wouldn't say 'You are most generous your majesty… Instead, you'd say 'Thou art most generous… Or "I present these bags of gold to thee."

Over the centuries though we somehow lost all that gracious pfaffing about.

Nevertheless, my desire to learn Spanish remains unabated.

I have started to watch films on DVD, but with Spanish subtitles.

This a surprisingly good way to get to grips with everyday phrases, though admittedly "warp drive now Scotty" may not in all honestly be much help in my daily routine.

I also spotted an advert in a local Costa del Sol newspaper. 'Learn Spanish in just two weeks with revolutionary new 'deep relaxation' technique!' it screamed (cost in small print: EUR 800!).

When I rang them, the first thing they said to me was "don't worry, it's nothing to do with hypnotism." Yeah, right.

I hope its not going to come to that because not being completely fluent hasn't been  a total barrier to living in Spain, mostly because of the forgiving nature of Spanish people in general.

But it's worth learning a few basic sentences to try out in your local tapas bar and before you know it, Bob's your Uncle (try explaining that to a Spaniard).

Cary Johnston is Editor of the Costa del Sol lifestyle and property magazine Dreamlife www.dreamlife-magazine.com

[Copyright Expatica]

January 2006

Subject: Spain; Learning Spanish