Reports about living in Spain are either about finding that dream home in the sun or the crime-filled nightmare that is life on the Costas. But to many expats, such reporting only distorts reality. Read what happened when Ian Frewer tried to confront these 'lies'.

Presenter Ian Frewer live on air with Roy Wickman, editor of the CB Friday

Expatriates are very easy-going people. It takes a lot to get them riled.

They can live with rude descriptions of themselves, they can ignore snide comments – but write anything that threatens their house prices and you've got a war on your hands!

When both The Times and The Daily Telegraph published articles saying how bad the crime situation was on the Costa Blanca, the indigenous expat population was irked but not outraged.

But when the Daily Mail chose to describe the Costa Blanca resort of Torrevieja as 'the resort of choice for down-market Brits', it was too much for some.

So when the Telegraph later wrote of 'pot-bellied Brits line-dancing in Irish pubs', war was promptly declared, and Your Humble Narrator, as an established writer and broadcaster, became the General in charge of the counter-offensive. In true British tradition, Letters Were Written - but not, alas, published.

Then came the news that Granada Television was filming a feature for Tonight With Trevor MacDonald, and was anxiously seeking crime victims to relate their sorry ordeals on television. The expat community were even more irked, and decided to make a pre-emptive strike.

Sol Productions is a TV company on the Costa Blanca, relatively new but attracting a growing viewer base.

It may lack the enormous resources of Granada, but makes up in enthusiasm what it lacks in household names and cash. Its flagship show is named Que Pasa, hosted by none other than Your Humble Narrator, who does not line-dance, does not consider himself down-market and possesses only a small pot-belly.

A special, extended edition of the show was planned, featuring Steve Hall, a local businessman, Roy Wickman, proprietor of the CB Friday (Costa Blanca) newspaper, and Neighbourhood Watch activist Roger Heald, none of whom line-danced or frequented Irish pubs. It was as fine a group of up-market Brits as ever assembled for a TV panel.

Lights, camera, action!

Previous emails requesting input from the offending UK dailies had met with a less than positive response, but those panellists with media connections, not to mention a Presenter with ambitions, were reluctant to fire too great a broadside at the Telegraph, et al. (You never know when you might want an article published, after all).

The quotes about down-market Brits and so forth were given, hopefully enraging viewers, not to mention the line-dancing fraternity.

Was crime a problem? Well, er . . . yes — that was the immediate difficulty.

Action! Ian Frewer discusses the Press in his role as TV presenter

Trying to pretend it doesn't happen wasn't going to work, so we contented ourselves with the usual observations that it's jolly sight worse in the UK.

Was violence on the increase? Um . . . well, actually, yes it was, but that's not our fault, is it? Blame all the foreigners; hang on, we ARE the foreigners here.

CUT! Quick off-air discussion: 'Can we blame the East Europeans, or the North Africans, producer?' 'No, that might be construed as racist', came the reply. Freedom of speech is all very well, but we’ve got a broadcasting licence to consider.

Action!  Ah, well, yes, violence; well, it doesn't happen that much, or it wouldn't be in the papers, would it? So what can we do about it, anyway? (With a desperate attempt at practicality.)

Cue Neighbourhood Watch, justifiably proud of their achievements in crime reduction. Cue controversial comments about keeping a shotgun in the house. Cue social responsibility lecture about people signing on their local empadronamiento, so that their council can get more money for more police.

This, of course, led to the inevitable tangential discussion about town halls that don't speak English, police officers that don’t speak to anyone, White Van Man... and lost dogs. When our doughty Presenter had steered the conversation back to crime, and antagonistic UK dailies, opinions became more general again, veering towards a reasonable attack upon the critics.

If Spain's so awful, and if crime's so widespread, why do the papers carry so much advertising for Spanish properties, eh? Ha! Got 'em there! Except that those with media connections, knowing that advertising pays their salaries, knew full well that UK dailies would have advertised Spanish properties in Guernica during the Civil War, if they were paid on time.

Cynicism was rearing its ugly head; the fact was, if someone criticises you in an unfair way, but with a reasonable criticism, what can you do?

Realistically, a bunch of happy expats, who haven't been robbed and murdered, don't get drunk, are tolerant of line-dancers and watch their waistlines are of no news value whatsoever.

Add to that the pressure groups from advertisers with properties in Bulgaria or Romania, and we hadn't really a leg to stand on.

Cut! That's a wrap. Had we solved anything? No, not really. Had we come up with any original solutions? No, not exactly.

They've got the arguments, the readers, the viewers and the cash; we've only got a way of life to defend.

Never mind; we all repaired to the nearest bar, which turned out to be an Irish pub.

But by that time we'd given up caring.

[August 2005]

[Copyright Expatica]

Subject: Spain, media reports and expat life