Christmas in Spain is fun, because it provides many opportunities for amusing observations. Here are some of mine. 

*  Starting promptly on December 1, TV airwaves are bombarded with commercials for perfume. All Christmas-time perfume commercials share a common trait—they’re incomprehensible. They also follow the same general format, which I will now describe: (a) a pouting, anorexic, stylishly-unkempt model wanders apprehensively through a Yellow Submarine-esque setting (you know—the type of surreal backdrop that you might dream about…particularly after eating too many late-night burritos); (b) the model comes face-to-face with a giant bottle of perfume; (c) he/she straightens his/her spine, looks up at the giant bottle and cracks a sly smile; and finally (d) the commercial ends with a curt, French-language voice-over.  Given that so few Spaniards speak French, I find this last point a bit suspicious.  I’d wager that if you consult a French dictionary, you’ll find that most voice-overs translate to something like the following: “`[INSERT FRENCH NAME] perfume—we could fill a bottle with goat urine, and you paella-eating peasants would still pay us 80€ for an ounce.”

*  Perfume commercials appear at night. Afternoons, on the other hand, are the domain of children’s toy commercials.  What amuses me about toy commercials is their “fine print.”  Apparently, advertisers are required to disclose the toy’s price range (e.g., “More than 30€”—“More than 60€”—“You might want to consider a home equity loan”) and whether it requires batteries.  Of course, these barely-legible disclaimers appear and disappear within nanoseconds. On the bright side, however, I’ve yet to see a Christmas-time toy commercial in French.

*  Freixenet (the famous cava producer) airs Christmas’s most kitchilicious TV commercials. Each year, they break the bank to hire a big-name celebrity to star in the latest installment. Then they produce a minute(s)-long extravaganza that is best described as “Bollywood meets Barcelona.”  Freixenet’s Christmas commercial is a much-anticipated event. The company even takes out newspaper advertisements announcing when, and on which channels, it will air. This year’s celeb de jour is Demi Moore. Tellingly, they don’t disclose the ratio of Freixenet to Dom Perignon bottles in Ms. Moore’s personal wine cellar.

*  In case you’re wondering, it’s pronounced “fresh-in-NET.” If you’re wondering further, cava is Spain’s version of champagne.

*  El Gordo is coming!!! El Gordo is coming!!! And no…I’m not talking about Santa Claus.

*  One of the Three Wise Men (Baltasar) is black. Yet despite the recent wave immigration from sub-Saharan Africa, Baltasar—when appearing in parades or shopping malls—is often portrayed by a white man in black face. Can you imagine how this would go down at a J.C. Penny’s in the US?!

*  I may be the only person in Spain who owns Vince Guaraldi’s “A Charlie Brown Christmas” CD. How the hell can a nation celebrate Christmas without Vince Guaraldi?!

*  Ditto for Rankin-Bass’s “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” DVD.

*  At least once during each Christmas season, some Spaniard will come up to me and ask, “What’s Kwaanza?”  It’s good that they ask me, instead of Baltasar.

Sal DeTraglia

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