Sun, 22 November 2009
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Kids need to be handled with care before a move, as Joanna Parfitt reveals in the first of a special series of articles looking at parenting issues.Richard Higginson, International Compensation and Benefits Manager for Glaxo SmithKline, stopped the show at the European Mobility Forum in London in June by showing the delegates a photograph.
Higginson cited a list of advantages for going abroad, which included career advancement, exposure to another culture, and variety.
"So why do we need to offer additional financial incentives to encourage people to go?" he asked.
And then he showed us the photograph. It was of a little Russian girl, aged about two and a half. She was sitting on a suitcase, clutching her teddy bear, her eyes downcast, a book entitled Moving Overseas by her side.
"This is why we need financial incentives," he continued. "Because this little girl has just arrived in Britain and she's wondering why the men came with a big van and took all her toys away."
And it breaks our hearts.
Children need to be handled with care before a move. There is no advantage in keeping them in the dark about the move until the very last moment either, because they will have sensed that something is going on and will be feeling excluded.
"Get the children involved in the move," suggests Kit Prendergast, an American clinical psychologist and presenter of a workshop entitled Moving Successfully with Children.
"Tell them all about the place they are going to. Let them help to pack their own toys. If they actually see their toys going into a box, it helps reassure them that they will see them again." Let them be there to unpack too. It will help with their adjustment.
Parents instinctively want to protect their children, and can be misguided when they hide their own reservations and go out of their way to paint a rosy picture of the new location, home, school and assignment.
Undoubtedly children will be feeling insecure and sad about the move. Let them know that it is OK to be upset. Let them see you cry too and it will help them to vocalise their emotions.
Before you head out to explore the new city, make sure your paperwork's all done by referring to our guide.
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