Richard Higginson, International Compensation and Benefits Manager for Glaxo SmithKline, stopped the show at the European Mobility Forum in London in June by showing the delegates a photograph.

Higginson cited a list of advantages for going abroad, which included career advancement, exposure to another culture, and variety.

"So why do we need to offer additional financial incentives to encourage people to go?" he asked.

And then he showed us the photograph. It was of a little Russian girl, aged about two and a half. She was sitting on a suitcase, clutching her teddy bear, her eyes downcast, a book entitled Moving Overseas by her side.

"This is why we need financial incentives," he continued. "Because this little girl has just arrived in Britain and she's wondering why the men came with a big van and took all her toys away."

And it breaks our hearts.

Children need to be handled with care before a move. There is no advantage in keeping them in the dark about the move until the very last moment either, because they will have sensed that something is going on and will be feeling excluded.

"Get the children involved in the move," suggests Kit Prendergast, an American clinical psychologist and presenter of a workshop entitled Moving Successfully with Children.

"Tell them all about the place they are going to. Let them help to pack their own toys. If they actually see their toys going into a box, it helps reassure them that they will see them again." Let them be there to unpack too. It will help with their adjustment.

Parents instinctively want to protect their children, and can be misguided when they hide their own reservations and go out of their way to paint a rosy picture of the new location, home, school and assignment.

Undoubtedly children will be feeling insecure and sad about the move. Let them know that it is OK to be upset. Let them see you cry too and it will help them to vocalise their emotions.

A few months ago a group of American counselors in London created their own company, called TLC, to produce and market a card game called Your Move. This 52-card game works along the lines of Happy Families and is designed to encourage family members to talk about their hopes and fears and be honest with each other. But if you do not have a copy of this innovative card game you should still make an effort to talk about the move.

In her groundbreaking book, Culture Shock - A Parent's Guide, Canadian author Robin Pascoe recalls the time when she and her family discussed an impending move to Seoul. They used an empty beer bottle as a "talking stick", with each family member taking it in turns to hold the bottle and say what they had to say without interruption.

There can be no new beginning without an ending that precedes it. If you are to adjust to the new assignment then you must make sure that each family member takes time to say goodbye to the things that are important.

Kit Prendergast suggests taking photographs of all the special places and people as well as giving your children pre-addressed and stamped postcards for their friends so that they can be assured of some post in their new location. Schools are very good at presenting farewell gifts to departing students. A signed pillowcase, an autograph book or a tee shirt printed with a photograph of the class are all great goodbye gifts.

And make sure you have a party to send you off. Let the children know how much their friends care about them, make a special cake and take lots of photographs. Have a pen and paper handy at the party to make a note of all the visitors' email and postal addresses too. Then all you have to do is try to keep in touch.

Joanna Parfitt is editor of the new Woman Abroad magazine. She is also a journalist working regularly for Weekly Telegraph, Resident Abroad and The Independent on Sunday.

Your Move is available from tlc@cwstod.globalnet.co.uk

Culture Shock - A Wife's Guide is available from bookstores or by emailing fourthbeach@compuserve.com