Expatica columnist Jacinta Nandi a.k.a Candi Girl details what's hot this month on the Berlin Spoken Word scene.

Well, I've taught my 3-year-old bilingual genius of a boy to pronounce the word theatre properly, i.e. "Feea-er." Because of the Prison Sex Show, I'm constantly having to hotfoot it to the English Theatre Berlin and ship him off to various babysitters and/or distant relatives. Prison. But last Sunday, he got to come with me and man, was he excited.

We went to the Galli-Theater in Mitte, on Oranienburger Strasse, near the Synagogue.

"Sind wir jetzt in the Feea-er," my son asked, looking around the foyer.

Uh-huh, Rico. This is it, honey. We saw Snow White – in German, mind, though they do English productions every now and again. Due to an incredibly tall woman plumping herself down in front of us (I am personally of the opinion that all tall people should sit at the side at Kindertheater – or be shot), we shuffled our way to the floor in front of the front row. Okay, so our necks ached but we could actually see the stage.

It was great. The actress playing Snow White was easily 45-years-old, though. The best moment, for me, was when the Evil Stepmother gazed at herself lovingly in the mirror. "I am so beautiful," she murmured. "I am soooooo beautiful." My son looked at me, totally confused, and said, in crystal-clear German: "Aber eigentlich ist diese Frau gar nicht schön, oder, Mama? Überhaupt nicht. Na Mama?"

Go to http://www.galli.de to check out their program – at 11 a.m. on Sunday, April 20. They will be performing the Frog Prince in English.

Meanwhile, at proper, adult theatre, check out The Prison Sex Show:

We're in the middle of rehearsals for the Prison Sex Show. We've got a new guy to play Mario, the Intergalactic Police Torturer, because James has turned his back on comedy and Berlin and has moved to Freiburg to do an M.A. In linguistics. He thinks he'll get more sex in Freiburg, and if he doesn't, he'll learn Russian once he's done with the M.A. He'll get more sex anyway. I only hope he's right, coz Berlin ain't the same without him and it would be awful to think this huge sacrifice had been for nothing. Without James's calming and guiding influence, I have to admit that we keep on adding and deleting scenes like there's no tomorrow. I am now playing The Real Jacinta Nandi – and my Evil Twin Sister, Atnicaj. Na ja, come along and see for yourselves, why don'tcha.

My English Class: www.myspace.com/myenglishclass – we'll be performing at 8 p.m every night from April 14-19 at English Theatre Berlin, Fidicinstraße, Kreuzberg – near Platz der Luftbrücke.

Other English Theatre Berlin stuff:

So, I made friends with the girl from the Woolgatherer, Sabrina Ellenberger. My kid is slightly in love with her kid. He asks about her all the time" "Ich kann die big Girl marrying, na Mama? Weil die ist schön, und ich bin auch schön." Sabrina is brilliant: skinny, sexy, slightly neurotic. And she's perfect for the role of Rose – a sparrow-like, innocent slut with a jumper obsession. It's a great show, it's kind of mesmerizing. Steve Ellery does a frighteningly good American accent, although anyone who has seen Ben's alcoholic Smurf impression will know that my standards are not incredibly high.

See www.etberlin.de for more details on this and other shows – this month The Woolgatherer is on from April 2 - 5 at 8 p.m.

Bordercrossing gossip:

So the big shock news is that Fiona Mizani has thrown in the towel. Yep, Fiona's going to concentrate on her own writing, sob sob. But they have a new editor at – Emily Lundin, and I'm sure you'll be relieved to hear that I'll still have my Candi Girl column.

The next issue will be the fourth – and they're looking for prose and poetry submissions. The deadline's been extended to 15th April.

Postal submissions only, to:Bordercrossing Berlin, Postfach 02 12 91, 10124 Berlin, Deutschland

Go to www.bordercrossing-berlin.com for more details (and a picture of me with my belly out)

Laugh Olympics:

Ben and I went to see the Laugh Olympics at Spirit Yoga. It's comedy improvisation, and it's basically just like Theater-Sport but in English. They're really good at their stuff – whether it's miming their way through a desert or selling a cow on E-bay using the medium of interpretive dance. Watch out for the presenter, though, he has serious middle-child syndrome. Whoah. That is gonna take years of therapy, honey.

So, after the Prison Sex Show is over, Ben and I are gonna do a workshop there. I am scared, though, that my chainsaw will be really rubbish. Everyone-else will do a chainsaw, and everyone will be like: "Oh, that's a chainsaw!" Then I will do a chainsaw and they'll be like: "Erm....you're giving an old Penner a handjob?" Ben says he is scared he will shout out the words, "I wanna kill a kid!" during the story-time and then everyone will go silent. But we're still gonna give it a go.

Go to http://www.laugholympics-berlin.de/home.html for more info.

And seeing as how the tube strike got cancelled, none of you have any excuse for not going to all of the cool events in our city this month. See http://www.expatica.com/de/entertainment/whats_on/upcoming-community-events-13845.html for more information.

Check out Jacinta's blog on www.myspace.com/myenglishclass. See you next month!

Expatica April 2008