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You are here: Home Life in Lifestyle Love in the age of Facebook

05/06/2009Love in the age of Facebook

To text or not to text? That is the question. Because in the era of text messaging, Facebook and Twitter, the art of flirtation has changed. We examine love and heartbreak in these changing times in a two-part series.

There is space for just 160 characters on that little cell phone screen – not much space for recounting disastrous misunderstandings, sleepless nights and awful embarrassments.

Text messages are both a curse and a blessing – above all when they are used in new relationships or to flirt.

The question is not simply whether to send a text message, but what to write and when to send it. And after a message is sent, what if there is no reply? The waiting begins. Flirting in the time of text messages is not only easier but more immediate.

"The speed takes a bit of the tension away," said Jan Schaumann, a behavioural consultant in Berlin.

Fast and furious


Text messaging also shortens the anticipation time between dates. Used correctly, text messages can be valuable, provided they are not overused at the beginning of a relationship.

"Cell phones make possible a completely different time span in which one party contacts the other," said Nina Deissler, a flirt coach in Hamburg. Once there was a standard grace period of two to three days before a man called a woman after their first date. In the 21st century, it is not unusual for the phone to ring on the way home.

Photo © dougww
"Im on th beach where r u?" © dougww

"I find the message, 'get home safely,' acceptable," said Deissler. "It shouldn't be more than that."

Style adviser Susanne Helbach-Grosser in Schwaebisch Gmuend is stricter. She finds it "extremely importune" when a woman sends a man a text message immediately after a date asking for another one. She advises waiting at least a day. The pressure and the immediacy of cell phones are exactly the problem.

"There is hardly a way to escape it because you know that the message is delivered immediately or you know your number will appear on the caller ID,” said couples counsellor Felicitas Heyne of Herxheim, Germany. “You can hardly talk yourself out of doing it."

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