Perhaps you are moving back because you are tired of having to speak a language you fear you will never master, tired of being an ‘alien', tired of having less flexibility in the job market, tired of the dating scene, food, culture.  In this case you are probably running, which isn't necessarily a negative thing.

Then think of why you left ‘home' in the first place? If any of the reasons are similar, then you are likely running back to the same thing.

On the other hand, leaving may be the best thing you can do; you might discover you are running from the same thing and finally deal with it.

Or you could be going back because your life abroad just didn't work out for a myriad of very tangible reasons and prolonging the stay may not be a productive thing to do, despite a possible feeling of 'defeat'.

Once you have made your decsion, then it's the right one at the time for you.

Starting over

Repatriates mostly seem to agree that going home is like starting over-- the people you left behind will have moved on or even away, places will have changed, things simply won't be like you remember them. You will be out of touch, just like you were when you moved to a new country, but you will also be able to appreciate things more and see them with fresh eyes.

Danielle Latman who recently repatriated to the US from the Netherlands says: "After returning to the US, everything seemed so much bigger than in the Netherlands! Even in New York City, where I'm from, the streets were wider, houses and apartment buildings were bigger, even the cars were bigger. The Netherlands is a very crowded country with narrow buildings and streets... it was kind of nice and relaxing to feel a bit more room around me."

Reverse culture shock

Although reverse culture shock is commonly experienced by repatriates, not everyone seems to be hard hit. As Expatica reader, Valerie, who returned to the UK after living 20 years in various countries in Europe says: "The fear of feeling lost and alienated when returning to your roots is something I have heard mentioned many times, and indeed it scared me rather when I myself decided to return to the UK with my three children." 

She then raves about how wonderful things turned out.  "It is great! I truly never expected to feel so settled again so quickly. People have been more welcoming that I could possibly have hoped for....I only regret that it took so long to make this decision, but hey, I'm here now, living in one of the most beautiful countries of the world, surrounded by warm and friendly people who share my roots, and once more able to enjoy all the essentially English things I had almost forgotten about."

But it isn't always that easy, as Danielle Latman finds out:

"It can take time to adjust to the differences in language, customs, etc. Also, prepare to answer the same questions over and over again! Family, friends and acquaintances will want to know what living there was like, how it is to be back, your comparison of the two countries... try to be patient with them too! It can help to develop stock responses so you don't have to think about it too much."

Passing the no-return mark

When I moved to France from the UK, a friend told me that if I passed the three-year mark, I'd made it. He said, "you can always come back if you want to, don't see going home as failure or defeat." I remember thinking about this at moments when I felt like packing up and going somewhere else-never ‘home' actually (I did see this as defeat at the time). I did leave France after seven years, for reasons I justify as principally economic.

Now I am happily living in the Netherlands, with two bilingual children and a German boyfriend, having understood that what is important is how good you feel about yourself, the people you surround yourself with, rather than which country you are living in.  And just like water molecules moving together, you'll attract other internationals like yourself, and simply the people you want to.

Expatica Editor Natasha Gunn
.

Photo credit: mikecpeck