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You are here: Home Life in Blogs & photos Jacinta’s World: Different Strokes

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01/06/2009Jacinta’s World: Different Strokes

Jacinta’s World: Different Strokes Jacinta Nandi-Pietschmann a.k.a. Candi Girl details the clash of cultures at Berlin poetry events.

So May was a great month for me, kind of. I did two German gigs -- proper, real Lesebühnes, not just poetry slams. The first one I did was the Samstagshow, www.samstagsshow.de, and the second was Liebe Statt Drogen, LSD, www.liebestattdrogen.de.

Reading at German events is totally different from reading at English ones -- they're about as different as they could be. At English events, we are constantly pissing in each other's pockets and wanking over each other's work. At German events, the other poets could actually not give less of a shit about anyone else's work -- even deaf people would care more. At English events, everyone speaks to you as if they think you're totally alright, even if they think you're a bit of a dick. At German events, everyone speaks to you as if you're a total dickhead, even if they think you're actually alright. I LOVE IT.

I'd been to LSD once, years before, back when I first arrived in Germany, aged 20. The guy at the door had heard my flat mates speaking to me in English and asked, gruffly, whether I was an Engländerin.

“Engländer shouldn't come in,” he said, in that tone-of-voice-which-is-actually-quite-polite-for-a-Berliner. “They can't understand anything.”

“Ooooh, mein Deutsch ist super!” I said, gushingly and got let in -- and understood NOTHING. Actually, that's not totally true. I understood the songs. I can still remember, to this day, one about Godzilla walking through Mitte and stomping on all the sushi bars. It was really funny. I remember grinning away and laughing whenever the Germans laughed because I wanted to prove the guy on the door wrong.

I never went back to another Lesebühne until this May, when I read at two. The worst thing about the Lesebühnes is that the authors are all up on the stage so everyone can see if you don't understand or aren't listening. I was really excited -- actually, excited isn't the right word: I was really flattered and honoured to be invited, especially for LSD, because I've got a book from Spider, one of the main poets and he's totally famous. I was toying with the idea of getting him to sign it for me but I decided against it. I brought nine texts along with me because in my head, that night, nine years ago, had gone on for literally hoooooooouuuuuuuurrrrrrsssssssss but that was obviously just coz I'd not understood anything. In fact, everyone gets to read just two or three texts.

But Spider wasn't there and I was a bit disappointed. There were three guests on. One of the other guests had to introduce me and he pronounced my name wrong twice. The first time I didn't mind but the second time I couldn't stop the thought from popping into my head: “Alwright, mate, leave it out, I have forgiven you for the Holocaust,” from entering my head automatically. This always happens when Germans pronounce my name wrong the second time, especially if they're young and good-looking. The first time, I am not so petty. Afterwards, I kept on trying to get one of the main poets to like me, an older fella, not in a sexual way, just generally...so I kept on showing off about how I'd won the Bastard slam.

Then he told me he thought that poetry slams are ridiculous events where people read pubescent, provocative, primitive texts and the person who reads the most pubescent, provocative, primitive texts wins. So I stopped talking about that and started bitching about how they have no welfare or health insurance in America. He liked that conversation a lot more, I think. Then I got a taxi home and argued with the taxi driver about the situation in the Gaza strip. It was a hugely successful night.

We also had a brilliant English-language comedy gig at Primitiv Ballroom in Friedrichshain. It was called Banged Up & Mashed, and starred me, Ben Knight, Niti and Moon, along with music from the djs Max and Spence. It was fabulous, and Niti did a brilliant joke about Sisteract II, and we're doing another one on 27th June. It was a relief to hang out with English-language people and piss in each other's pockets again.

“I know why we're doing this,” Moon whispered to me before I went on stage. “I believe in us. I believe in us 100 percent. Knock 'em dead, Jacinta.”

Maybe next time I go to a Lesebühne, I'll say that sort of shit to the other poets. I wonder how they'd react. They'd probably phone me a bloody ambulance.

THINGS YOU MUST DO THIS MONTH:
Robert Grant's film fundraiser
Robert Grant invites you all to his film fundraiser. It looks like it's gonna be a fantastic night, with performances from Joe Czarnecki, Ryan T Jacobs, Paula Varjack, Moon, Rey Melara and all hosted by Mike Haeflinger. You get free booze -- and you're expected to dress up smart! Do it for the art, man.
June 4, 8:30 p.m., Coffee Karma, Sonntagstr. 30, S-Bhf Ostkreuz

Comedy in SIN
Paul Salamone hosts and Rey Melara stars in a Kreuzberg comedy monthly offering. These lads are genuinely, genuinely funny.
June 10, 9:00 p.m., SIN Bar, Schoenleinstr. 6 10967 Berlin

Olympics at Kookaburra
You can catch Paul and Ray alongside the rest of the Laugh Olympics team every Saturday doing a late night live comedy improv show. Every Saturday
11:30 p.m., Kookaburra Club, Schönhauser Allee, 184, U-Bhf Rosa-Luxemburg Platz

Wordplay at Beatstreet
Catch Paula Varjack and Moon performing as part of Wordplay at Beatstreet.
Friday June 26, 9:00 p.m., Coffee Karma, Sonntagstr. 30, S-Bhf Ostkreuz

Banged Up & Mashed
After last month's success, we're back with another night of poetry, comedy & music. Starring Niti, Moon and Jacinta Nandi, hosted by Ben Knight and followed with music from Max and Spence.
Friday June 26, 11:00 p.m., Primitiv Ballroom, Simon-Dach-Str. 28, Warschauer Str U + S Bhf

THINGS FOR KIDS TO DO:
Take your kids to East of Eden
Poet and comedian and nanny extraordinaire, our Niti will be reading classic kids' books from the bookstore's large selection.
Tuesday, June 2, 5:00 p.m., East of Eden Bookshop, Schreiner Str. 10, U-Bhf Samariter Str.

CHECK THIS OUT:
So, Ben & I will be blogging for the Exberliner's new, re-launched website. Go to www.exberliner.com  and click on blogs. Ben is the News Kraut and I'm the Amok-Mama. As you can see, I love hyphens and Ben hates them. That is a fundamental difference between us. Also, he's gonna be blogging about German politics and I'll be telling funny stories where German grannies humilate me on the U-Bahn.

AND DON'T FORGET:
The whole of the Exberliner magazine's gonna be re-launched. I've seen a sneak preview and the new look is basically absolutely bloody fantastic. And we're gonna have a party to celebrate.
When: June 12, 22:00 hours
Where: Skalitzer Str. 130, Kottbusser Tor U-Bhf
What: WITH THE CRY BABIES + AJ PITT + TEAM PLASTIQUE
DJS: MAX&SPENCE + TEAM PLASTIQUE DJ TEAM +THE COX

And don't forget to read my blog on http://bitchslutcuntgirlwoman.blogspot.com/
See you next month everyone – thank you and Good Night.
Jacinta Nandi-Pietschmann/Expatica

comedy literature songs http://www.myspace.com/myenglishclass


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