I have nothing to write in my column this month, I tell Melissa Holroyd on the phone. Melissa's one of my best friends, a single mum and Australian actress.

Write about me, she says.

'What are you doing, I ask her: Are you up to anything?'

I have an audition on Friday, she says.

I realize I can't write about an audition: Then it really will be just me writing about my mates.

So I ask What's Laura Cameron doing next month? Dunno. Anna Finn? Dunno. Lady Gaby? Dunno. Darren Smith? What's he up to? He's always up to something, isn't he? But I don't know what.

I rack my brains, frustrated and empty.

So I ask Melissa what her audition is for.

"I'm not actually sure," she replied. "I couldn't understand Isabel on the answering machine. But if I get it, it'll be loads of Drehtagen so it must be something good."

Well, maybe March seems so dull and empty coz February was so bloody exciting.Valentine's Day, Pancake Day, the Berlinale, the Oscar's, the Bafta's....all this plus Kafka Comedy at Cafe Sartre and a last-minute My English Class Secret Gig on Feb. 28 at St. George's – starring the frighteningly talented MC Jabber as our very special guest . Wow. How can March compete with this? Well, check the following sexy and depraved gigs out, why don’tcha:

Spoken Word performer Tom Mars will be presenting his new Spring TEXT Collections at Haby's new location Wonderbar – and plus a very special guest from the UK: Jude Rawlins, the lead singer from Subterraneans will present sounds, words and other surprises. Wow. All this – and it's free.
WHEN: Friday, March 14, 9 p.m.
WHERE: Wonderbar,Wienerstr. 45, Kreuzberg

FUEL'S BIRTHDAY BASH

Lady Gaby's Fuel will turn three on March 9, and Gaby and her friends are planning to celebrate in style, with performances from American novelist and prize winner, P Lewis and the Seattle singer/songwriter Joe Czarnecki with his instrumental, acoustic guitar.

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