Well, to nobody’s great surprise, it would appear likely that the year ahead (at least as far as mainstream Hollywood product is concerned) will be characterized by the usual gamut of franchise extensions, prequels (with one in particular looking increasingly likely to ruin the last part of 2011 for this reviewer, but more of that in a bit) and, increasingly, the dreaded ‘fourth instalment’.
I say ‘dreaded’ because, again only as far as yours truly is concerned, recent fourth chapters, such as Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008) and Shrek Forever After (2010) proved to be well below expectations.
So, what hope for Pirates of the Caribbean 4? Subtitled ‘On Stranger Tides’, this 20 May release has a great deal to live up to – in a nutshell, if Johnny Depp et al manage to taint the reputation of one of cinema’s most enjoyable blockbuster trilogies, there will be hell to pay. In addition, it’s going to be available in 3D, a rejuvenated gimmick that has nevertheless yet to prove itself artistically.
However, it is doubtful that Messrs Depp, Geoffrey Rush and new additions Penélope Cruz, Ian McShane, Dame Judi Dench and Richard Griffiths will be in it just for the pieces of eight, so who knows? Mayhap director Rob Marshall will be able to follow in his predecessor’s Gore Verbinski’s footsteps and, thankfully, screenwriters Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio remain aboard. The yarn will concern Captains Jack Sparrow (Depp) and Barbossa (Rush) joining forces to find the fabled fountain of youth, only to discover that Captain Blackbeard (McShane) is after it too. Aaarrgh!
Johnny Depp (Captain Jack Sparrow) and Penélope Cruz (Angelica) in 'Pirates of the Caribbean 4: On Stranger Tides’
Truth be told, Marshall hasn’t exactly been on fire as a director since Chicago (2002), although his inventive musical drama, Nine (2009), won high praise in certain critical quarters. Whatever – we’ll all know whether he’s fluffed it or otherwise soon enough.
And we have to move forward somewhat in the year for what is perhaps the sequel/prequel that this reviewer has been most eagerly awaiting since whenever – regular readers will know that I named John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982) as my second-favourite horror film of all time, beaten only by Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining (1980) and, guess what? The frighteningly young and inexperienced director Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. (this would be his first feature), accompanied by the really-not-very-good screenwriter Eric Heisserer (A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010), ahem) and the somewhat more encouraging writer Ronald D. Moore (he of the revamped TV Battlestar Galactica fame) are all on board to provide a prequel detailing what went down at the Norwegian camp, from which the horror that engulfed the US research outpost in Carpenter’s original originated.
Now, I am willing to give anyone a fair trial, and all participants are obviously innocent until proven guilty, but the original, while a box-office and critical failure upon its original release (audiences were far more into friendly aliens such as E.T. back in 1982), is now universally regarded as the all-time classic that it so clearly is, so these guys are going to have to tread real careful, because they tread on my dreams.
Let’s take a brief look at evidence thus far garnered, shall we? Well, van Heijningen has been at great pains to point out that his film, being a prequel, absolutely, definitely will end as Carpenter’s begins, namely with two crazed Norwegians following a ‘husky dog’ by helicopter and shooting at the same; that everyone involved knows Carpenter’s original intimately and that all questions that his film asks will be answered; that the S/FX will follow the original’s truly astonishing example and by and large avoid CGI (it wasn’t invented back then– the incredible vistas that explode on screen were all the work of wizard Rob Bottin ) and, finally, that it will be scary.
Kurt Russel (The Thing -1982) versus Mary Elizabeth Winstead (The Thing 2- 2011)
Hmmm. On the other hand, the prosecution notes the following – a female character is to be introduced, namely ‘young, beautiful, brilliant’ palaeontologist Kate Lloyd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) who joins the Norwegian research team in Antarctica upon their discovery of an alien craft that has been buried in the ice for a long, long time. Now, don’t get me wrong, I obviously have no problem with female leads, but the entire point of the original was that it was an exclusively male crew being driven further and further apart by mistrust when it is revealed that the intruder in their midst is a shape-shifting alien that can duplicate any life form, animal or human, exactly. This, I feel, was key– notions of ‘male bonding’ will be undermined by the change in dynamic that a female character will bring, and is thus likely to undermine the story’s central premise. Second, there have already been reshoots called for– whether these are at the behest of the studio (Universal), the director himself or (gulp) test audiences has yet to be revealed, but it’s rarely a good sign, is it? Finally, and perhaps most worryingly, rumours abound that the original film’s two surviving characters MacReady (Kurt Russell) and Childs (Keith David) are somehow going to have a cameo, with the fact that they will appear to have aged, say, 29 years being attributed to ‘frostbite’.
No, no, no. Carpenter’s classic had one of cinema’s all-time greatest downbeat endings, with two men, each unsure of the other’s identity, realizing that mistrust was pointless and waiting to freeze to death:
Childs: Temperature's up all over the camp. Won't last long though.
MacReady: Neither will we.
Childs: How will we make it?
MacReady: Maybe we shouldn't.
Childs: If you're worried about me...
MacReady: If we've got any surprises for each other, I don't think either one of us is in much shape to do anything about it.
Childs: So what do we do?
MacReady: Let’s just wait here a while…see what happens…
Thus, any attempt to somehow incorporate these characters into a prequel or, God help us all, a further chapter, would be artistic dishonesty of the first order, and I so fervently hope that this will not be the case. What are my chances, d’you think?
Five Other Notables
The King’s Speech: Already being touted for Oscars, and not yet released, Tom Hooper’s film sees Colin Firth as reluctant monarch King George VI, who came to the throne following Edward’s abdication, but couldn’t speak in public to save his life. Get Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush) on the case, pronto... Released across Europe throughout 2011.
Orgasm Inc.: Liz Canner’s shocking and hilarious documentary about how giga-pharma may be taking advantage of women. February release.
Battle: Los Angeles: The aliens are coming, again, in Jonathan Liebesman’s action/sci-fi epic, starring Aaron Eckhart and Michelle Rodriguez. March release.
Scre4m: See my thoughts above concerning sequels and fourth instalments – seriously, you don’t really need a synopsis, do you? Wes Craven directs, as ever. April release.
First Look: a still from Steven Spielberg's 'The Adventures of Tintin'
The Adventures of Tintin: Secret of the Unicorn: Spielberg’s set to direct, and it’s likely to make everyone in Belgium happy. Elsewhere, who’s to say, but Jamie Bell, Daniel Craig and Simon Pegg are along for the ride. Here’s hoping it isn’t utter pants. December release.
James Drew
Please check local listings before travelling. For more reviews, check out www.picturenose.com.
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Picturenose’s James Drew takes a look ahead at a big sequel and prequel coming your way in 2011.
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