Dating the Germans

A guide to dating the Germans

Comments28 comments

Are you interested in a more personal cultural exchange? Here are some tips to help you find love in Germany and get into the German dating game.

Dating someone from a foreign country can be an exciting experience, but it's important to keep in mind that a relationship with a person from another culture can be complex. Different cultures around the world have a different appreciation of the qualities that make someone a desirable mate. What might be considered romantic, attractive or polite in one culture might not be well received in another. Learning a few German dating tips, however, can help you avoid making dating blunders.

Tips for socialising with Germans


Meeting people is easy. Younger people tend to meet at bars and clubs, while the older generation tend to move within their circles of friends. Surprisingly, Germans are flirtatious and more cheeky than they will admit. Eye contact is very important; you need to show that you are confident but not arrogant.

Dating German men

German men have a reputation for being insensitive, self-serving and cold. However, there are always exceptions to the rule. By contrast, some German men are surprisingly sensitive, almost to the point of being insecure and unsure of themselves. A man like this may even question a woman's motives if she approached him to chat.

There is a tendency among German men to date women who are much younger than they are. This more for the fun of dating and socialising rather for long-term or serious relationships. Usually German men do not plan to wed or have any sexual relations with these younger women. But you know what they say about good intentions and the road to hell.

It is common for Germans to marry in their 30s, after several years spent dating. It is important to note that many German men tend to live at their parents' home rather than move out at the first opportunity. So do not expect a German man to be a domestic wonder, nor be surprised when you come home to find him watching football with a beer. If you do everything for him, he will not try to stop you. This may surprise some women, but if you order him around, he may find you even more attractive.

Dating German women

Dating a German woman follows the standard rules for dating women; you either impress her, or you do not. Most women will not get offended if you pay the bill, though they do not expect you to do so. If they want to split the bill, they will just tell you.

Born and raised in a country where both genders are equal, German women are dominant in most facets of life. They like to laugh, know how to have a good time, and will probably drink you under the table. They are not used to being propositioned in the streets and most German ladies hate machismo. The fairer German sex are not used to compliments on their appearance, because German men are simply not good at this. If you compliment them, they will probably not believe you. Yet, they are flattered by attention and romance.

Don't forget, punctuality is vital. Germans do not understand the concept of a 10-minute grace period. You must be on time. Fashionably late is just late to them and not excusable.

Note: Please take this article with at pinch of salt. These tips are only general cultural guidlines for aliens who have just landed and observations and individuals vary widely.

 

Petya Vetseva / Expatica

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Updated 2013, 2014, 2015.

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28 Comments To This Article

  • Hector posted:

    on 13th November 2016, 14:08:34 - Reply

    I agree with Joe we are all different and situations can be different
  • Michael posted:

    on 15th October 2016, 14:33:44 - Reply

    Didi, you're very correct.
    You just described exactly what I'm facing here in Germany.
    Speechless. Lol..
  • Filipinobrides posted:

    on 9th July 2016, 09:31:09 - Reply

    I found your blog to be very informative. I am greatly inspired by your posts and thinking of writing mine now. Thanks for being an inspiration to me as I was also trying to write blogs but was not getting the appropriate genre.

  • Tania posted:

    on 29th June 2016, 09:14:01 - Reply

    I'm a forty one year old woman living in Berlin and I've had wonderful experiences with the Germans in general. My German friends are generous, helpful and patient (my german skills are not great) and the men I've dated have been the same.
  • Pablo posted:

    on 25th February 2016, 13:51:45 - Reply

    The younger generation of german women won't cook a meal for you.
    Many will break up with you, if relationship is in the way of career.
    They tend to date guys they not really love, and look out for someone better in between. They don't even bother to hide that behavior.
    They expect you to adapt, but will rarely return the favour.
    The man is not the most important to them, their friends and family are often as important, you won't get special, warm-hearted, treatment from them like with some asian or latin women.
    That doesn't mean, that they're essentially bad people, they're sometimes nice to talk to and driven to make a good impression, they're just no Dating material. Very stiff, complex, independent and not so feminine.

    Flirting in Germany is awful. Men and women ignore each other in the streets, it's not easy to approach or to get approached. People are hard to outguess here, they don't act necessarily by their feelings.
  • kashikool posted:

    on 9th February 2016, 21:23:25 - Reply

    I am a foreigner and male. It sad but its the truth about both genders in Germany.
  • Didi posted:

    on 8th February 2016, 22:43:49 - Reply

    Every country has their set of norms, values etc. and that definitely influences the behaviour of the people. Of course no one is exactly the same as an other, but stereotypes didn't pop out of nowhere. Germany is a first world country that works. In return, the individuals have to pay the price, i.e working hard and doing everything to promote own personal success. Career comes first, all else second. That's why most people here only start having kids after the age of thirty. In a club, the only people who ever approach me or my friends are foreigners, so I would definitely opt to say that shyness is a trend. To add a correction to the article, meeting people is not easy, especially if you can't speak German. You might get lucky and have a conversation, but next time you will either be ignored or not recognized. Good luck! Living here has been hell :)
  • Biggie posted:

    on 26th January 2016, 14:24:57 - Reply

    Yes , this is true about the men and women
  • sudd posted:

    on 14th November 2015, 18:15:04 - Reply

    Maybe its because of your bad english

  • Diane posted:

    on 7th November 2015, 22:13:44 - Reply

    This article is so stereotypical, it's ridiculous! "German men are cold and insensitive, but there are exceptions to this rule" Never met a German man I guess. The ones I have were not like that at all.

  • Karen posted:

    on 23rd October 2015, 16:21:32 - Reply

    This is just more on the general thing but as for me, each person have unique quality so the best thing to do is to get to know the person first so you can know who they really are.

  • honey posted:

    on 18th September 2015, 07:22:06 - Reply

    im a filipina, my boss is german. he is very interesting and very attractive. He always seems to ignore me but when i send him message he always say he never ignored me. I think in general they are really shy and workaholic too. i adored he's wholeness. Never meet someone so interesting. I meet different kinds of people from different country working as a musician but German people specialy guys interest me. I like how they respect woman.
  • Veronica posted:

    on 9th September 2015, 18:35:39 - Reply

    I am Mexican and have dated German guys, and I agree with Joe's comment on German guys.

  • Tanja posted:

    on 4th September 2015, 17:00:20 - Reply

    This is stupid! People are people. They are different! Loud and quiet. Sensitive or insensitive. Tall or small. But that is not about nationality, but about socialization... other factors influence your personality so much more than the nationality you have by chance by birth, i.e. if you grew up in a small village or a cosmopolitan city or maybe if you were priviledged, high class or lower working class, etc. etc. German men can be the very same as any other men.
  • Ali posted:

    on 30th August 2015, 02:27:20 - Reply

    You are absolutely right ..
  • Rei posted:

    on 30th June 2015, 17:34:54 - Reply

    hi i recently meet this amazing german guy and we went out on a few dates . he has this quite aura about him that i find very seductive . he doesnt express a lot about his feelings but the few ones he says makes my heart melt . yeah he is tall and slim and very good looking and this quite persona about him is irresistible. i really hope this works out with him . my personal opinion is that german guys are really amazing if you are looking for a secure relationship .
  • mac posted:

    on 22nd June 2015, 12:24:08 - Reply

    I am Indan and i dated german girls. Even though i am Indian i was never shy to talk with them. i totally agree with Marie, that german girls have crush very fast and they brake up even faster. because i have been in this situation. German girls are dominating and take time to feel in love!!
  • coatesmoe posted:

    on 29th May 2015, 11:11:52 - Reply

    Learn German and the German women will fly in your direction!
  • MarieLongman posted:

    on 26th December 2014, 09:24:52 - Reply

    I read the article, something i totally agree, but in general it depends on a personality not a nation. I've met a great man from Germany at dating website [edited] and to say the truth.. he invited me to his country for weekend. I'm going to visit him in January. Hope everything will be ok! It seems that i found the right guy

  • Craig posted:

    on 5th December 2014, 10:09:52 - Reply

    German women don't set their heart on a guy too hard. Sometimes they have a crush very fast, but they can also forget you very fast. When difficult relationship problems arise they get even more detached and cold like 'Umm, the next one please'. Most of them seem to lack deep feelings, they won't try too hard to invest in a man. Their expectations are often high, but they will give less in return. They are always first, the man is second or even third. They don't back you to the end of the earth. German women do very well on their own. They are very career-driven. They don't want to be restricted in their freedom.

  • summer posted:

    on 22nd June 2014, 04:42:06 - Reply

    I date German guy 2 years ago. Just like the article says about German guys, yes he is quite shy and quiet. He is honest and he will say things directly although it can hurt someone's feeling. But the part about the split bills and not romantic is quite not right as my ex is quite romantic and caring and he always want to pay the bills.
    We were dating for few months, we fell in love and broke up after that because of long distance. He didn't want to lose contact and he want me to be his best friend. (I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not)

    Sometimes he makes me confuse because even after 2 years he still stay in touch with me and ask me about my life and everything going on with me.
  • Josie posted:

    on 7th May 2014, 03:04:40 - Reply

    I think there is some truth to the stereotypes that come with German men. They do enjoy to be punctual and split the bill (at least in my experience). The behavior of German men varies as much as all human beings do. haha. I have dated a very direct stern German male, and a very sensitive, considerate German male as well. It varies immensely. My current boyfriend is German and I quite enjoy his quirks as compared to by American habits. I think there are some cultural differences. For instance, I think I am much louder than my German friends. I think Americans just have more confidence and assurance of ourselves that we can come across as arrogant in Germany. I think the easiest way to approach a German guy is to make eye contact, smile, and be friendly. Most German men like to be friends before they get into a relationship so as long as you don't mind the months of "dating" you'll be okay.
  • Tosha posted:

    on 23rd February 2014, 10:50:53 - Reply

    I just have to say Larry I love your comment. as one sided as it is it definitely made my day. but that is not entirely true. and in ALL cultures women and men have the same instincts as any other culture. some cultures just repress or encourage these instincts. women by nature are harder to please. i'll admit it. there are times that I just want a simple sign of affection and other times I want the answer to all my life's questions. and men are not psychic (oh how I wish) it's just about finding the woman who understands that. but according to this article I am German because that is how I am mostly. if you do not impress me right off the bat or you do something irritate me I will not waste my time. but on the other hand if I see something worth spending time to get to know I will devote my everything to. I just do not like wasting time on people who are of no interest to me. I will be nice usually (until provoked then watch out for the little woman temper) but I will make it clear that I am not interested
  • Tish posted:

    on 26th January 2014, 06:23:43 - Reply

    Well.....almost everything Larry..but what a man gets in return , will make it worthwhile.... ;-) p.s. I am flirting
  • larry posted:

    on 18th December 2013, 11:03:30 - Reply

    What usa is this where the women flirt and make an effort to meet a man? I am american and would like to know... The do not flirt and certainly make no effort to meet an man unless he looks like he has a lot of money. Money is what matters in the usa. A man is expected to pay for everything. [Edited by moderator]
  • Rosalina posted:

    on 24th September 2013, 06:19:11 - Reply

    My boyfirend is 7/8 German and 1/8 Norwegian he started going to my school as a junior and I was a freshman. He is very tall 6'3 and also very shy and tends to be rather quiet- my friends met him and set is up because I was tall and quiet as well go figure. But wow, I never had a more difficult time trying to speak to someone before in my life he is extremely handsome and has beautiful smile but will not talk to people unless he really wants to. I've been dating him for 4years and I know how is with people including myself in the beginning when he didn't know me. It's funny meeting other German men because it seems they all are so similar, tall, handsome, muscular, and quiet. I have learned to carry on conversations effortlessly because his shyness defiantly dominates mine. It kind of makes me feel special that when he rarely will talk to anyone if we are talking about something that interests him we can talk for hours about that and then anything, I suppose in my case opposites do not attract:)
  • Megs posted:

    on 8th September 2013, 21:45:45 - Reply

    I find German men interesting, I used to be bias but now I've grown I've learned to look deeper. Living in London, you get to meet all cultures but I can't seem to find the German crowd! Lol where are you all hiding?
  • Joe posted:

    on 7th September 2013, 00:33:33 - Reply

    I'am sorry, but most of what is being told here is not true. I'am german, i won't only speak just about myself, but also about all the guys i grew up with or the ones i knew. German guys tend to be scarely shy. They are selfconfident abiout theirselves in one way but many get nervous and feel uncomfortable when a girl approaches them. Feeling uncomfortable even is rising, when she is real pretty. It is soemthing they are not used to. It will be for 99% the first time that this happends to them. It is about us to go after them, Funny and sad, but true. I guess one reason for this is the general attitude of german women, who tend to be very calm, and often feel just disturbed if being talked to then feeling great about the attention. So i'd say one reason why german guys are shy is the way german womens general behavior. I do not want to judge about that. It is just something i recognized. I can really just say how it is, but i won't rate it. I have seen so many really nice well built guys, that approached a girl in a charming way and were dismissed in a very rude way. There is nothing worng with showing no interest, it is about the way how you say it, you know. A result seems to be over generations that this made german men very hard to the outside, they often seem shy and not being up for a flirt, while they are very senistive inside. Flirting in germany seems to be very different to many other countries. It is not as easy. Having a date already means something. I lived a while in the US, i loved the way of casual dating there. It is fun and does not bring duties with it. German women however rate you on the first side if you fit being their lifetime partner. Do not dare to say something wrong haha. I guess this is one reason why i enjoy foreign women much more. I'am like most german men aiming for a relationship on par. That starts with learning eachother. A german man will start anything possible to impress a women and make her feel safe and comfortable. Most german women however won't give that back in return. Which means the good ones are hard to find and secure. In most cultures women that look like models are rare. This is not different in germany. What you can add about germany is that women that focus on a man and try hard for him are really even more hard to find. They are used to, that we are getting after them and don't just anything to impress you. I'am tall, i keep myself in shape and i had never issues learning someone. But before i arrived in the US i didn't even know there are women on this world who know how to flirt and make you feel comfortable. They way women tried to impress me was new and something i really liked. In any country you have different people for sure. Most german men however tend to be sensitive, hard to the outside, shy, sporty, caring, well travelled, loyal if the arrchieved some years of age and many are looking for serious relationships instead of hookups. I want finally to say that it is not my intension to leave some bad mouth on the german women. But being a german guy, one who others say from he is pretty and sporty, and since i learned about my experiences and those of my buddys i grew up with, it is the honest thing i can reflect. [Edited by moderator]