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You are here: Home Family & Kids Partners How to maintain a long-distance relationship

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05/05/2010How to maintain a long-distance relationship

How to maintain a long-distance relationship Are long-distance relationships really worth the time and effort? Jeannette Jordan has a few ideas.

Perhaps this is a matter of coincidence or a weird phenomenon that’s taking place; but, lately I have been hearing a lot about couples going their separate ways after one party relocates and leaves his or her partner behind.

That set me thinking: can romantic relationships really be carried on long-distance and how can you know when it is time to stop or persevere?

I don’t know. Maybe for some people, a fresh start is what they truly need. But, not everyone is ready to call it quits when it comes to closing the books on an existing romantic relationship.

I think a lot of these relocation break-ups are motivated by fear. When one person is left behind fear often takes up residence. This is something to consider when you are relocating without your partner. It is quite possible that your sweetheart’s sense of security may also be getting on that plane with you when you leave.

Perhaps some of these relocation break-ups I have been hearing about are what I call pre-emptive ditching. You know, a case of ‘let me dump him before he dumps me.’ Honestly, no one wins by being first to drop an existing romance. Somebody is definitely going to walk away hurt and disappointed while the other person may unwittingly be leaving a good thing.

Illustration © Michele Car - www.fantisola.com
"Hello Dear, how is life going in your new office in  Rio? I am so worried for you..."
"Hi Honey, I am working hard here, and think about you and the kid all day long..."

I do know of one couple who ended previous long-term relationships after relocating and falling in love with each other -- this is probably what their partners back home had feared. To be fair, I must give this new couple credit for the way they handled their respective break-ups. Both left their previous relationships with honesty and dignity; and both left their previous partners with a sense of worth and encouragement; despite the obvious pain of separating. In this I mean there was no yelling, name calling or put-downs from the person ending the relationship. This is, of course, based on what they told me…

Some time ago, I was having a conversation with my sister about relationships in general. She said: “They teach people how to get into relationships; why don’t somebody tell you how to get out of one?” I can’t say I’m an expert at break-ups, even though I have had my share. But, I do have some thoughts on why making an effort to stay in a relationship is better than simply quitting.  So, here is what I recommend:

Don’t break up!
If you are in a good, and loving relationship and it is working and no one is being hurt; physically or emotionally; why leave? Don’t let fear or a few hundred or thousand miles push you away. Distance can only end a relationship if you give it a ticket. Look at your relocation as a repositioning for your relationship. Just think of all the special ways you will learn to communicate. Clever emails or packages filled with little treats from your new place is sexy. And, surprising your sweetie with a telephone call in the middle of the day; that’s a real winner.

Don’t even consider a break-up until you truly take time to assess what you have!
Sometimes you get what you want but you lose what you had; only to find out it was worth more than you anticipated. Here’s what I mean. Don’t trade true love for novelty excitement. New places bring excitement that only lasts as long as the newness. It is like a child with a new toy. It is delightful for a certain time; when it is still a bit of a mystery. But, six months later, the new toy often loses its initial appeal.

 Don’t give up!
It may be the case that you are not the one who decides to end your relationship. Perhaps the person you left behind is seeing things differently and you get the telephone call or email that says ‘it’s over’. If that happens, don’t look at it as the end of the world. Just see it as part of your new adventure in life in a new place.


After all, love never comes with any guarantees. But, it does come with lots of opportunities. My mother always says: “When one door closes another one opens.” I say, make sure you don’t shut any doors too hastily.

Jeannette Jordan / Expatica

 

Jeannette JordanJeannette Jordan is an American journalist and Erasmus Mundus Global Journalism fellow. She is currently taking courses at the Graduate School of Communication at the University of Amsterdam. Jeannette’s has worked as a television news writer, producer and researcher for CNN, NBC, FOX News Chicago, FOX News Atlanta and CBS Atlanta. She is also a freelance writer and producer, conducts business seminars on ‘Understanding the American Media', and has a Master of Divinity with a Concentration in Community Counselling.

Illustration credit: Michele Car



3 reactions to this article

sam posted: 2010-05-12 12:41:55

Hi, thanks for the article. Would you (or anybody else) want to write on long distance relationships that are formed because of internetdating? I am personally curious about. Firstly because my best (Dutch) friend found her second husband in the USA. This year she's immigrating with her 2 sons, to live with him, she's in the last stage of the visa process. And secondly..... because its happening so often, people find love across the borders. Thanks!

Editor NL posted: 2010-06-15 10:21:13

Hi Sam,
You will see that Jeannette saw your response to her article on long distance relationships and wrote this article on internet dating.
http://www.expatica.com/nl/family/Partners/-The-matrix-of-love-a-sensible-approach-to-online-dating_16089.html
I hope that you find it useful.
Best,
Natasha Gunn (Editor NL)

Puti Ferguson posted: 2011-08-30 15:24:08

Thanks for the tip.

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3 reactions to this article

sam posted: 2010-05-12 12:41:55

Hi, thanks for the article. Would you (or anybody else) want to write on long distance relationships that are formed because of internetdating? I am personally curious about. Firstly because my best (Dutch) friend found her second husband in the USA. This year she's immigrating with her 2 sons, to live with him, she's in the last stage of the visa process. And secondly..... because its happening so often, people find love across the borders. Thanks!

Editor NL posted: 2010-06-15 10:21:13

Hi Sam,
You will see that Jeannette saw your response to her article on long distance relationships and wrote this article on internet dating.
http://www.expatica.com/nl/family/Partners/-The-matrix-of-love-a-sensible-approach-to-online-dating_16089.html
I hope that you find it useful.
Best,
Natasha Gunn (Editor NL)

Puti Ferguson posted: 2011-08-30 15:24:08

Thanks for the tip.

Add a comment
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