Millions of Germans sat rapt in front of their TV sets on a recent Saturday evening to see the nation's favourite quiz show host ask leather-clad motorcyclists whether it is proper to kiss a lady's hand in the park.

Germany's manners have been on the decline since the Kaiser

It was "Die Grosse Benimmshow" (The Grand Manners Show) and it got the highest ratings of the week. It reflects a growing trend in this country for good manners.

It appears that Germans have suddenly discovered they are ill-mannered. They are signing up for etiquette courses in record numbers.

Magazines and newspapers now suddenly run columns on etiquette, and TV and radio programmes offer cash prizes for answers to such compelling questions as: "Is it considered polite to wear a flavoured condom on a date?"

The answer, according to Bild newspaper, is: "Not on the first date. On subsequent dates, yes. But only tasteful flavours such as banana or strawberry."

While some are frivolous, like the one above, many others seriously address the issue of how Germans treat each other, with implications for their relations with other nations.

*quote1*The whole surge in the interest in etiquette comes amidst soul-searching among Germans about a slow-poke economy, an educational system that has lost its edge and a general feeling that "Made in Germany" is becoming a synonym for mediocrity.

When a major newspaper asked prominent Germans why this nation was no longer excelling in such areas as sport and manufacturing and science, a number of respondents blamed it all on selfishness and lack of consideration for others.

"If there's one thing wrong," said top TV news anchorman Ulrich Wickert, "then it's lack of consideration. If somebody tries to back out of a parking spot, other motorists start honking. Everyone believes he or she has the right-of-way and everyone else should yield the right-of-way," said the author of a book on virtues.

TV anchorman Ulrich Wickert: "Germans are raised to be high-handed."

Germans have a chequered history when it comes to manners. Until World War I, good manners were associated with the stiff-necked Prussian aristocracy, according to Martin Scherer, a leading expert in German etiquette.

"After the fall of the Kaiser there was a backlash against courtly manners which climaxed with the Third Reich and World War II," he adds.

"Then the counter-culture revolutionaries of 1968 took things even further by rebelling against any sort of code of behaviour," says Scherer, author of a book entitled "Der Gentleman" in which he encourages Germans to reclaim their right to be polite to each other.

"The '68 generation believed anything goes," he notes. "But their children are finding they are ill-equipped to get along with people from other countries who practise common courtesy and good manners."

That is particularly true on the corporate level, and German businesses routinely offer etiquette workshops for their junior executives.

*quote2*"Good manners is not just a matter of knowing which fork to use for the fish course at a state banquet," says Alexa Hengstenberg, who runs etiquette seminars for companies.

"Good manners is all about how to get along with other people graciously, making others feel at ease," Hengstenberg says. "And that in turn is the very essence of being a good businessman. Good manners is good business."

Television personality Thomas Gottschalk, host of the top-rated manners quiz show, says the human factor explains the big ratings that his show garnered in primetime on a Saturday evening.

"Goodness knows I don't believe TV can make the world a better place to live, and I'm hardly a paragon of good taste," says Gottschalk, whose trademarks are garish suits and an unruly mane of blond hair.

"But it's human nature to believe that you have good manners and everybody else is a boor. So, of course, everybody tunes in to smirk at somebody who eats his mushy peas off a knife."

But what about kissing a lady's hand in the park? As any well-mannered German biker can tell you, it is only proper to kiss a lady's hand indoors - never outdoors. And a gentlemen does not yank her hand up to his mouth. Instead, he takes her outstretched hand gently and, without lifting it, he stoops until his lips hover just above her hand, but do not actually touch it.

"And on no account may he smack his lips," Gottschalk advises. 

May 2004 

DPA

[Copyright Expatica 2004]

Subject: Life in Germany