Two pieces of bad news last week: my mother was assaulted and my grandfather fell and dislocated his shoulder.

My grandfather's fall also had a silver lining - it convinced the doctors how bad his emphysema was, sending the tough farmer home with bottles of oxygen to help him move about and maintain his energy levels.

But both incidents nonetheless sparked a feeling of isolation, of simply being unable to 'be there' in times of need.

The problem is, as an expat on the geographical other side of the world, being there is a wish impossible to fulfill on every occasion.

In fact, one just has to live with the feeling that you're stuck between two worlds, the old and the new, never quite feeling at home in one or the other.

Fortunately, I don't have that feeling very often but sometimes being here and not there just grates my heart.

This will worsen in years to come, as my grandparents and parents continue to age and children grow older and friends have more babies or buy new homes.

My wife and I are taking the kids across to my birth country of Australia later this year, the first such trip for my nine-month-old daughter.

She won't remember it, of course, but it will be a golden trip for my grandparents who are jumping out of their skin to meet her. They, like me, feel there is simply too much ocean and too many countries between us.

And with each trip back home, I ask myself (morbidly perhaps), whether this will be the last time we see one of them? Will the next time I travel home be for a funeral? 

Though I lived in Melbourne, three hours from my childhood home, it was still close enough to jump in the car and scoot up the freeway whenever wanted or needed.

And while the telephone, video conversations, email and photos help to bridge the gap, they can never replace actually being there.

And that, as an expat, is one of the hardest things any of us has to face.

Aaron Gray-Block
Editor
Expatica Belgium

All Letters to the Editor are subject to be published on Expatica in edited form. Please indicate in your email if you don't wish your letter to be published.

17 July 2006

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Hi Aaron,

I hope your family get well soon and am sure you are looking forward to being back with them later this year.
 
How do you like living here compared to Australia? You appear to only really miss some family and the climate of Australia?

Have a nice day,
Andrea

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Hi,

Thanks for the lovely editor's letter. I've been living in Belgium for the
last eight years (from South Africa) and I've been going through the same thing.

I was in SA in May for my grandmother's funeral. Bitter.

Cheers from a boiling Belgium,
Ilze

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Thanks Aaron

I know how you feel. I'm wondering what the hell I'm doing here sometimes, then remember why I came here. For better opportunities.

Thanks again,
Patrick

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Hi,

We are two Australian's living in Brugge. I have recently returned from a month back home (?) spending time in Caloundra and Melbourne. It took me a month to get over the trip — all the hellos and goodbyes and the please come home cries all took their toll with an exhausting return to Brugge. I was telling an American friend here just how exhausted I was and she said it takes her a month to recover.

We chose to live overseas — my husband is an artist and to come over to art fairs from Australia was expensive and time consuming.

Life here is easier for us in many ways, but the tug of family back home is always pulling at the heart. My only son says he has given me four years and then I have to be back — he doesn't want a stranger for a mother. Yes, we have isight, ichat, skype and phone cards.

But this time has allowed other members of the family to pull their weight whilst I have let go of many responsibilities.

Life in Brugge is delightful — we have a great English-speaking community here. We have a great street with the annual street party at the end of the month. We have many positives about being here that the thought of living back in Australia gets harder everyday.

I look forward to your newsletters and enjoy the personal element of it. Enjoy the Christmas in Australia — we Love Melbourne, with many friends and family. We are escaping the end of winter here with a month back home.

Of course, we will then be complaining about the intense heat of the Queensland summer!

All the very best,
Dianne Koningen

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[Copyright Expatica 2006]

Subject: Living in Belgium