All is quiet in Belgium now, so, with the rest of Europe, the locals can sit back and enjoy the Guignol show in France. But is it becoming predictable or even 'predictive'?

So now the cops are serving notice on Cecilia about that SMS. Don’t know about you but I’m all thumbs when it comes to sending txts. Due to my lack of txt typing skills friends show up to meet me in a different bar  - occasionally in the wrong country. What if old Sarko didn’t mean to say "If you come back, I’ll call it off". What if he’s all "pouces", too.

He could have been using predictive text and intended simply to announce:

"The cat came back but the dog’s off".

"If you come back, I’ll call the cops".

Or even a mild unfinished threat (due to lack of space on his inexpensive Nokia), such as "If you don’t give me my Gainsbourg cd back... " In any event, it’s a case of Je suis venu te dire que je m’en vais being replaced by Quelqu‘n m‘a dit que tu m‘aimais encore....

In Carla’s case somebody told me… you sent a begging text to your ex on the eve of our planned nuptials. You’d think she would be hopping mad but she’s the one who said she doesn’t think monogamy works. It was a case of  "Do you take this man to be one of the men on a very occasional basis in your life - mainly at big public events - for as long as it lasts?" In a way it’s an altogether more honest if less romantic vow. And every time she sees him sending a text, she will be thinking he’s still annoying that poor ex wife of his. She is already planning screening when she becomes the ex.

Of course he sent the text in French, what with them both being French and all.
Si tu reviens, j'annule tout. So options are:

 Si ca te conviens, je te fait un ragout.

Or: Je te previens, je m’en fous.

Surely Casse-toi alors, pauvre con(nasse) was far from his mind, leaving that particular insult for anyone who won’t shake his hand at farm shows.

Perhaps he is, in fact, entering a second childhood. There’s an online feature about how children have invented a new language using predictive text gone wrong.

"Children are inventing a whole new verbal language based entirely on the predictive text function they use to send messages on their mobiles. They are replacing words they mean with the first alternative that comes up when typing a message."

So  'book' is 'cool' - "because book is the word that first comes up when you type cool into your phone using predictive text." Teenagers secret text language

It appears that 'zonino!' means 'woohoo!' and "when they refer to someone’s'nun' they mean their 'mum'". Get thee to a Mummery. Shakespeare is turning over in his grave or his sarcophagus.

One thing’s for sure is that if Sarko used the predictive text method, he could not have used expletives as they are automatically barred. A full explanation is available in this sketch by Armstrong and Miller …

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Predictive Text Won't Let You Swear

I have kept one copy of the excellent book 'Foodie French with a touch of salt' up my sleeve and it will go to the reader with the best alternative for "If you come back, I’ll call it off". (email paul.morris@expatica.com)

And now: "The bell’s just gone and I’m off".

Paul Morris
Editor Expatica Belgium & France

(expatica February 2008)