I should have known that things had irreversibly changed when my husband suddenly developed an opinion on where the dishcloth had to live. 

And when household articles started to disappear from places where they'd rested happily for five years only to appear in new locations because it was "more efficient" that way, I probably should have called for a major intervention. 

But ever the accommodator, I let things slide.  You see, we were living through some significant changes.  Our stint in Russia was coming to an end and our future plans weren't exactly crystal clear.  To say there was some stress involved, would qualify as an understatement.

Trailing spouse

I know I'm not the first to admit that I didn't ever aspire to be a trailing spouse, let alone a house-minding one, but as you, my fellow expat, know only too well, when opportunity knocks for one of the (hopefully) two people in your relationship and if you have half an adventurous bone in your body, you tend to go for that opportunity. 

Yes, you go and you do what you have to do to make things work.  If that means creating some safety for a hard-working partner dealing with an alien new culture, you do what it takes.  And if it includes deciding where the dishcloth lives - that very pinnacle of human aspiration - you do it with great commitment. 

Gradually you may even find some pride and comfort in the knowledge that you're providing an essential element in the well-being of your family.  So, much as I'd resisted it at first, I'd become used to our weird life and even treasured the safe haven our apartment in Moscow had become. 

Engineering spouse

When I suddenly found myself with a spouse on my hands who was no longer focused on an extremely challenging job, I wasn't exactly thrilled at his inexplicable fascination with household articles and the places I'd assigned them.  That thing I'd never strived for, but had to make work, was being threatened by an engineering spouse.

So what to do?

I've often wished I had that thing that some people have - that turn of phrase, that delicate suggestion, that - dare I say it - artful manipulation to give things the direction you believe is best (the one you want, no?).  Sadly, I don't have that thing - too much anguished honesty and too little cunning reside in my body. 

When I finally did object to these changes in a household that 1) had functioned well for five years and 2) would only be our home for a few more weeks, the answer came back: I only want things to work efficiently.  Can you argue with that?  Most definitely, yes.  Is it worth the effort?  Not so much.

Expat spouses

I'm sure you're wondering how things ended.  Well, after some painful months of transition, we ended up in Portugal, a country of which the population is smaller than the city of Moscow, a shock in itself. 

What's more, we are currently carving out a very different life for ourselves, one that has us sharing the same space all day every day, if you can believe that two people who guard their independence rather zealously could actually set off on such a path.

I've discovered that the universe has a supremely screwy sense of humour and if you let it, your sanity could be at risk.  Our new situation has taught us that invaluable ability to ignore one another when necessary, but on the other hand we've also had the luxury of exhausting countless topics of discussion and bottles of wine together. 

I confess that there are moments when I'm not stellar at handling these changes in our life, not to mention my spouse's ever-evolving idiosyncrasies, but guess what?  I'm never bored.  Now I don't actually care where the dishcloth lives, as long as he uses it once in a while.  And when the kitchen faucet is on his preferred spray setting, I simply change it to mine and get on with things.  Wet sleeve and all.

Janet is a freelance writer who has lived in Canada and Russia.  She's recently moved to Portugal.  You can follow her blog here: http://toomuchsandformytruck.wordpress.com/